AJ, I do hope I get some kind of answer or closure, and that it comes from him on his own steam rather than some malignant fading to black that will always trouble me, or a result of my efforts. He has said many times that he's sorry for hurting me, but I think he's feeling guilt not sorrow. I see being sorry as having a component of remorse and wanton to fix things, but I've not seen remorse. I might never.
RaR, I'm not sure if its hope I'm feeling or fear. All those adolescent fears of not being good enough play into it, as does the fear that the care and respect we have for each other isn't enough, that our marriage isn't worth a second thought. But then I suppose that means we want and value different things. I fear that is the case.
His daughter called me yesterday really excited to tell me about a conversation she had with one of her profs at university. She didnt call her dad or her mom, she called me. She knew how happy if be for her and wanted to share it with me as a result. It made me happy. I wonder sometimes how h sees or thinks about my relationship with his daughter. I hope that's somehow important and valuable to him.
Anyway, dirty old daylight savings time is painful this year! So tough getting out of bed. Hopefully that'll pass in a week or so. Loving the warmer temperatures though!
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
