25yearsmlc

[25yearsmlc]

DBing has taught me so much.

2 years ago when my H left. I would have said I just want him to come back.

Now I dont want him back unless he is interested in improving and working on himself.

which is vague but I understand what you mean. I think if you detail this a bit, so you know something about what it would look like, it might help. Especially if he were interested in doing this. He'd want to know "how" to...you know?

I dont want him back if he is drinking.

this^^ is a nice CLEAR boundary. Simple.

I dont want him back if he isnt willing to go to therapy.

again, clear enough, simple enough


I dont want him back if he is in complete denial of his part.

Do you mean that he owns his part, right? Not ALL?

I agree that him being in complete denial would be an insurmountable obstacle to reconciliation. I can see that. I mean, that's like saying "come on home, let's take a chance on you repeating it next month..." So of course you couldn't. He would have to own something...

But my guess is that he'll never fully own his part, b/c he literally has a different point of view and does not recall things you recall OR in the way you recall them...so you may need some flexibility on this b/c he justified his departure, right? So you're asking him to "UN learn" all his rationalizations and jusfitications.

All you can "do" to aid that, is be different from the image his justifications said you were. Make sense?


For months I prayed to God that he would just come home, its a miracle and a tribute to DB that I was able to write the words above.

I love tangents

Amen to this one (tangent, that is).