25yearsmlc

[25yearsmlc]

Tangents? Stream of consciousness? AND Who needs segues?

(I bet we're geniuses for this...that's my story & I'm sticking with it).

So tonight d15 approaches and says, "am I supposed to go to T with you guys, or the siblings, or alone?"

I said, "well w/your siblings, and maybe your dad too...

...unless you want to go alone too?"

So she says "I'd rather go alone INSTEAD of with everyone else...just by myself".

THAT^^ was a surprise...this child is the unflappable one, the one who seems to care the least about what's going on or talking things out. She resents h, but would prefer leaving things alone.

She's also confident in a weirdly mature way. Here's one example. She's a good basketball player, now on Varsity as a sophomore. Last summer her coach (who has underwhelmed me, but that's another story) said in front of everyone

"D15, You're the WORST DEFENSIVE PLAYER ON THE TEAM"....

Aside from this belng flat out wrong/inaccurate, I was flabbergasted that he said it at all to anyone. I truly thought I had misheard the wording b/c others near me were talking after the game. Then there was silence.

D15 was/is the leading scorer on her team, and the captain. (Regardless, who the heck talks like that to a 14 y/o girl on ANY team?)

I played sports in college on scholarship, so I've had a lot of coaches. Never once heard a coach say anything like that to anyone on a team I played for...I wanted to hit him.

ANYHOW, I approached D15 *(then 14 btw) and said "Yikes, D, are you okay?"

She said "I'm fine. I know I played well. I don't know what's bugging him but that's HIS problem. It's not me".

Um, hello? I was THIRTY y/o before I was in a place where someone else's problem wasn't my fault. She just gets it. I've always admired that about her, and found it a little funny.

So yes, this surprised me. And yes I'll make sure she sees someone.

When H & I spoke about what H wanted to discuss, it was all present day stuff. He has legit issues with our older kids living here (they're moving out in June and saving money in the meantime) and not helping enough. At this stage of life, h wishes it was just us and d15, financially speaking.

When I remind him that d15 only had both her siblings with her in the home til she was 7 (b/c her brother left for college at age 18 when she was in 2nd grade) and that since HE (h) is gone so much, it's nice having the older siblings here for me and d15, h gets it.

But he has deeply mixed feelings. At their age, h and i were married, I was working as a L, h was in med school, & we were parents. We never lived with our parents once married, and we worked all the time.

At one point I said to h, "you know, the girls particularly are still hurt by your leaving. They felt abandoned..."

and h said "you think they're upset about stuff from way back then??

I said YES I do...

but I find it amazing to me that he thinks the past is over for them...b/c he & I processed it.

Anyhow the living situation is changing soon. So it's a temporary situation that has a huge upside. IMHO.

I think we have two options, it goes well and provides some fresher loving memories of our family getting a 2nd chance,

or

we can save a few bucks and kick them out now...

I ASSUME h's fears are that we're being taken advantage of and enabling. I know he's also hurt that the kids don't ask him a lot about his work or interests. But most kids that age don't seem to ask many questions of the adults in their lives that i know of. Do they?

And while he has a point, truly, it's not that high on my list of concerns. But I need to make sure he knows where I'm coming from. I care.

But I can only take one thing at a time. And that's d15. Next would probably be my mom, who is rapidly declining. By the end of this year, she won't be aware of us enough to matter...or so it seems.

So that's the update.