Same Old Wagon Wheel Part 9

[25yearsmlc]

Oh believe me I am grateful to have my W in my life.

Hey PON, I know you are grateful for it. I totally believe you appreciate her. But by the nature of this site, we hear the fears and withholding she has/does and I just wanted to give a virtual "shout out" to her.


Lots of times on this board you start out as a victim. I certainly realized that. It took me awhile.

Oh for sure. Me too. I was FURIOUS at h. I was also baffled. The added weirdness was that sometimes I thought "OMG was I oblivious to this coming? Am I the Queen of Denial or what?"

I was self righteous as he11 about his selfishness and how wrong he was. As a L, it's easy to believe our own arguments... to ME, i was 100% right and H was being delusional. And I think I wanted "restitution" too. Sometimes I wanted to punish h but I never admitted that's what it was. I'd call it "showing him the consequencees", etc. I felt very much a victim.
Even now, there are moments that I think "hey, h did a lousy thing to me". OR, "I was wronged."

I don't believe we have to pretend we were not hurt.
We don't have to pretend that they did not "wrong us". (But we'll probably need to re-frame it.)

PON, You once asked about when you'll get "the apology". Or if.

I don't know if you're still waiting. All I'm saying is that while we don't have to pretend we were never hurt by them, we do have to move forward at some point....and the words in our vows that say "from this day forward" are genius.

B/c we do have to let go of the past, or be doomed by it.

That's why I TRULY that believe no long term marriage lasts, without forgiveness.


My W gave me a gift. A gift to look at myself and say is this really the person I want to be.
Not saying every sitch is like mine but I really wasn't the greatest husband and she was right. I also realize marriage and personal growth is a life long process.

AMEN PON!! (Clang Clang!! -Loud applause-...clap clap clap!!)

This^^ is so true.

Your w's challenge to you has yielded so much. Probably more than she bargained for...but I think it's great.

The topic of my mother came up, which led to the changes my W said she saw in me. She actually said "you are not like that anymore"


DING DING DING!!...the spouse has officially noticed CHANGE in the DBer...

300 bonus points for her telling you! (B/C God knows they often keep it to themselves) Seriously, not everyone gets to hear this PON...savor it.

I told her that I heard all the things she was saying. It was a short conversation in the car on the way to a family day but man it was nice.

well done!!...

Hey I'm Just curious about a small thing. Why didn't you ask her to elaborate? (Maybe it's obvious to you & we just don't have all the dynamics).

But were you worried you'd say the wrong thing if it went further? Or did you just want to process her comment? fwiw, I agree that sometimes silence really is the best thing to "say".

Had a fun day with family yesterday. Played some dice games with relatives. Felt like the old days with my W. High fiving each other etc. We are getting there.


oh man this^^^ is great. Playing...simple joys...just hanging out...time together, building over time. Addling layers each day...

And the High Fiving each other. Gee, it's like you're on a Team or something.. .


EE has been a great help. There isn't a day that doesn't go by where I am not getting some sort of support from my classmates. (even as a remote EE'er)

I'm really happy for you.