I know your right. Enjoy the calm, the good... and I do.
The day after my wedding - my x and I went to a beach in Kauai. A storm had just passed.. and the waves were great. I was a cocky 24 yr old and thought I could ride the waves.. but they were too frequent and the under toe was too strong.
I got knocked off my board and just when I got my balance, another wave crashed into me draggin me back under. I always felt desperate to catch my breath and was constantly trying to protect my body as I was drug against the sand shredding my skin.
I thought I was going to die.
That is what the past 2 yrs felt like for me - so yeah I do expect the other shoe to drop.
But I think more importantly is that I worry about getting complacent... I don't want that. I don't want to forget the pain.....
.... maybe that's because I don't know what it's like to move forward with joy in my heart for an extended period of time.
I am just sooo different now from who I was. Not that old Val was a bad person. I believe my true self was always there.. but hidden under large amounts of fear....
... but if you knew who I was then - you wouldn't even believe it to be true that it's the same person... (and I'm not just talking about my physical appearance).
I mean.. it's quite possible that I'm on the journey to being the happiest I've ever been.
And honestly - that scares me.. because it's new and I'm not quite sure how to function that way.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
