Tori, I'm so sorry to hear of the pain you are in. I can only imagine.

I agree with the words of wisdom from LilG above. H is being an ass and you should let your L handle things.

As for this:

"So I had a pretty crappy M after all."

I doubt you would have married him, stayed all those years, and DB for 2-3 years on top of that, if you truly felt this way all along. Remember, feelings come and go, and your present feelings are based on his most recent actions.

So, allow yourself to be angry with him, even hate him for what he is now doing, but then I want you to then let go of that... for you. Maybe go to the gym and beat up a punching bag while screaming.

Much easier said than done I know, but you can't allow him to dictate your feelings. ((((HUGS))))

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl