So close I can taste it...

[SM34]

Yes have been thinking about what I typed earlier this morning and I think I have done enough for now. She needs to do some thinking and reach her own conclusion.

Starsky said:

I think you need to decide if this is a temporary, "MLC"-type break and delusion from an otherwise life of integrity and quality from this woman, or if this is indicative of her true moral character. Because if she means all of that, then yeah -- even if she dumps this guy (or he dumps her), you're going to be looking at OM2, OM3, OM4 . . . Is she really just a "If it makes me happy, do it" type of person? Or is this some sort of "life crisis" she is going thru? I don't know her -- or your long-term history -- well enough to answer.

Starsky to answer your question, NO this is completely out of character. Absolutely and totally nothing like her at all. My wife is the sweetest most loving and caring person I know. She is compassionate to others, she is so against divorce because her parents got divorced and she vowed to NEVER put her kids through that.

When I met her she was a 17.5 year old virgin with A LOT of boys pursuing. I was a second semester freshman in college, and it was her final 3 months in high school. She held out her virginity for someone special, and although she wasn't waiting for marriage, she wanted it to be with someone who could potentially be marriage material.

Enter...me! Then we dated for months before she would let me do anything sexual. And honestly I didn't push her at all. I respected her for her morals and values. We have been together ever since.

We have had our ups and downs but she always stuck it out. She had wanted to break up several times but she knows a good thing when she sees one, so we always patched things up.

As far as the MLC, she is a little young for MLC but I have been told there is a similar one for early thirties especially women called quarter life crisis. Seems to hit women in early 30s and ESPECIALLY ones who met someone special early in life, and feel they never got to experience life and date a lot of guys.

Add to this mix, a daughter who is a complete handful. I am the ONLY person who can handle her for an entire solid day because I AM INCREDIBLY patient. I am the most patient, calm, and collected person I know. My wife, mother in law, father in law, my parents, my brother who has two little kids, my sister in law, etc.. can only handle her for a few hours before she drives them up the wall. Well, my wife had to deal with D3 (then D2) for a year at home most of the time because no day care could handle her the whole day. they would call us to come get her at noon!

So, wife has really given A LOT. But I always thought I was doing an awesome job of helping as much as possible. I woke up at 6.30am every single day (even though my work starts at 10am) and took care of D3 so wife could sleep in.

Since I own my own business, I would often come home as early as 3pm to help my wife with D3. I did almost every single dinner, bath and bedtime for then D2. So doing all the waking up early, doing all the working to make money, and doing all the bedtime and baths, and NEVER complaining or holding it over wifes head, I thought I was doing well. My mother in law thinks I am an INCREDIBLE husband. I really am selfless which is why I disappeared from here when people started telling me I looked down on her, or I was selfish. Couldn't be further from the truth.

Another important element that her therapist told me (I went to one session with her therapist just to ask her about wife) is her relationship with her father. Her father was a very angry man her whole life and she was scared to death of him. After her parents divorce, she stayed and lived with her father. She was only 13 years old and scared to death of him, but she CHOSE to stay with him to take care of him. She did the dishes, the laundry, made dinner and cleaned the house, all by choice. Her father never pushed her to do that.

She has unresolved issues with her father. He lives only 10 miles from our house yet he will go upto 6 months without stopping by to see his only grand daughter. He is a very nice guy as he did a lot of work on himself after his wife left him, and I like him a lot. But he lets my wife down a lot, and I have always helped my wife believe the excuses with both made on his behalf for his lack of interest.

He forgot his tie when he arrived at his only daughters wedding. He didn't get us a wedding gift until 6 months after wedding...and my parents had paid for our entire wedding, and our honeymoon in vegas, and most of our furniture for our house, and had helped me get started in business by investing in my project. She always felt her dad didn't do enough for her. Also after high school she discovered her dad had not saved even one dollar for her college tuition, and my parents paid for me for 5 years in college, and bought me a car etc...all while I was with her.

So, taking care of her dead beat dad since 13, then taking care of me and doing all of our housework chores since she was 18, then taking care of one crazy daughter for 2.5 years and it was building up. still, she was handling it and doing a fine job and never complained. I blame the Zoloft she was put on (therapist prescribed it just for some anxiety wife was having) and then therapist double the dose 4 days before BD.

My research shows some people lose there ability to care, or to feel compassion for others. And she definitely lost that! She is the type that would rub my feet after a long day at work, run me a hot bath, and then rub my back before bed. I of course reciprocated and took good care of her during her monthly womens friend visits, went with her to all gyno appointments, never missed any prenatal apts, helped deliver our baby etc.. we had a great relationship!

So to answer your question, no this is not her at all. If she was a have fun at all costs type of person I would never have been with her from the start. She would have gotten out of this relationship a long time ago since we had some very bad lows. She would have bailed on her father all those years ago. She has blown a fuse I think, and it is definitely an out of character crisis. Again, that is the only reason I think I can move past her having shared herself with another man, even though no one else had ever "been there" except me. Because I truely believe at some point she will realize what she did and will truely regret all of this. Thats if my wife ever emerges from this crisis. Her mom barely recognizes her own only daughter and lifetime best friend. They are only 17 years apart and had a very VERY close relationship. Which is why my mother in law is helping me, because she believes her daughter is sick right now.

Sorry if that was too detailed, it was kind of for me also to remind myself why I am doing this. Like I said, I need some motivation to stick this out some more, and remind myself of how special my wife is always helps.

thanks everyone!