Wife broke it off with OM briefly. We got very close again and also went out together for a romantic dinner to celebrate my new business.
What does "briefly" mean, is she back together with him?
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One thing I would like to caution the people here when dealing with newbies is that pls, always tell them to talk with a coach.
You'll see that mentioned in a lot of threads. Often the LBS can't afford coaching though.
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When someones marriage really wasnt so bad and they are dealing with a wife that feels neglected, it is a death sentence to the marriage to start preparing yourself for moving on
Detaching, getting a life and giving your spouse time and space is not "moving on".
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I think sometimes you need that attachment to your spouse to be able to act on it. I think sometimes by preparing yourself for a life on your own, you almost create a self fulfilling prophecy.
I really do hope your M recovers, but I think your very premature in thinking you're out of the woods.
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For someone who gave their wife everything, that worked hard for their marriage, that helped with the kids above and beyond what even the best of daddies do, that helped with the delivery of their baby, that put their wife and baby above their own needs, that treated their wife with the utmost respect, that honored their marriage vows and never ever cheated or was dishonest, that was their wifes best friend etc..... but made the mistake of not showing their wife how much she was needed and loved and how important she is to him, at least not in the way that she needed to be shown because he was busy showing his love in a way that is not as important to their wife, then dont prepare that person to move on because in doing so you encourage them to neglect even more.
Here's a wakeup call for you. You just described me perfectly. After BD I did all the positive things you're trying now plus much, much more. I became the perfect H (this is exactly what W told the MC). I took over everything around the house. I showed my W love in all 5 love languages. I showered her with attention and affection. I gave her every single thing she said was missing before, but even went above and beyond. We got along fantastic, even sex was better than ever. Everything seemed to be improving substantially. Yet she still moved out. Go ahead and pile on the pursuit since you're so convinced it's the right thing to do, but be ready to back off if and when things deteriorate. Because in my sitch they surely did deteriorate further, and now I'm sticking to the DB path. I've ALREADY walked your path and it DID NOT WORK. Maybe it will with your W, but I doubt it.
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Of course it took me so long to get into that practice and so she has gotten close to OM so now she is torn. She knows what the right thing to do is, and I am optimistic that she will make the right decision with enough pursuing and time
So she is back with OM then? I get the impression that you see this as a contest, whoever between you and OM can pursue her more is going to win. The irony is OM is probably not pursuing her AT ALL. And THAT is probably why she keeps going back to him. Meanwhile your pursuit let's her know that you will always be good ol' faithful plan B for her.
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Michelle says in her book that sex starved and neglected wives need a different approach but I think she needa to clarify that in those cases the DR book is almost negated.
You should write her, I'm sure she'd appreciate your extensive expertise in this matter. LOL!
