Wondering if I really have any chance at saving my marriage here...or am I just living in false hope. I see some changes but when it comes to the important things in an R, its always a disappointment. Its our 29 year anniversary on Saturday. H comes to me last night and says "don't think I've organised anything for our anniversary because I haven't". I replied "I never have any expectations". Then he said.."we could go out for dinner or something I suppose...but we don't have to, we don't have much money". I tried not to flinch but I must have. Then he said "what's the matter"...DER? I asked calmly ..what kind of invitation is that?. He said of course i'm in trouble again aren't I, and proceeded to act as though I had done something wrong. I simply said you're the one that keeps going on about it..not me. The rest of the evening I was quiet. Reflecting on the disappoitments and rejection and realising its always been like that and will probably never be any different. What makes it more painful is that H never has a day off with me. His day off is spent playing golf with his buddies. He is also going away for two days golfing next week. Wonder Why there is no money left for us?
I never had a proper reconciliation or recommitment to my marriage, I was just living in hope and pushing things under the rug like I usually do in order that I can keep pressing forward with my life, trying to count my blessings and be happy. I continue to accept a few crumbs from H and think he's doing me a great favour.
