So close I can taste it...

[SM34]

Starsky I really need you guys right! Men and women. I need some 'hey man hang in there' type stuff. Into month three now and the lack of loving wears you down, and I know you all have been there and can appreciate it.

Wife has been secretly weaning herself of the ssri meds. My mother in law and myself had blamed all of this mess on the doubling of her dosage that took place 4 days bsfore BD. She became so cold and had no empathy whatsoever. Really didnt care who she was hurting. She is down to 50mg every two or three days and she did it against her therapists wishes, and secretly with telling anyone. I now see much more empathy from her.

She still hasnt let her guard down because she still isnt 100 perecent convinced that I can be the husband she needs. I am working on showing her that but it takes a lot to give and give with nothing return. Thats why I need you all.

I read something I trueging on a thread the other day. A person was told by their actively affairing wife that if it wasnt this OM it would be another. The people responding thought that sounded like a cry for help from her husband.

Well my wife said something similar during our talk. She said I gave and gave and gave to everyone my whole life, and now I just want to do somsthing for me. This is not about you, its not about OM, its about me. I want to make ME happy.

Since she is smart and I think she knows OM is a loser, and knows its nit goiing to work I think she doesnt care right now. Its fun and thats all that matters. My coach says the sane thing. She needs to feel loved, she needs to be pursued, she needs to feel sexy and attractive. I was never good at that, and I guess OM is.

Last week I was told by a friend of hers that I needed to act fast because wife told her it was over with OM. I acted cool and calm like I didnt know anything. Then after dinner she said I am going over to meet OM now, but just to pick up my sh$t from him. So not in so many words she told me it was over. I tried to talk her into not going, bevause I know its like a drug and any contact can fire it up again. I told her if the stuff doesnt include your wedding ring then I dont care of you to get it back. We will buy it again.

She said no I need to get my sh&t, he is not going to keep any of my stuff.

We hugged, she cried, I told her to call me if anything crazy happens. Well, exactly what I thought would happen, happened. He bowed down and kissed her ass and sweet talked it all over. More of your hot and beautiful etc. I am sure. So now its fired up again.

But I was so close. I was almost going to post a good news post, but it crumbled.

Still, that is to be expected. My coach warned me as well as all of you, that this is not a linear process. There are ups abd downs and they dont call it the rollercoaster from hell for nothing.

I did manage to inject some thoughts into wifes head while she was exhibiting some sanity. And her friends have told me she is talking about us now. But we all know there is no chance as long as OM is in the picture.

So I need to wait it out. He is a dufus from what I can tell, and doesnt even know not to fight with her right now because he still has some very stiff competition. I mean a husband and a child is hard to beat and if I were him I would be on my best behavior until the divorce is final, but then again maybe he doesnt want her so much...who knows, who cares.

Her friends have told me that she even told OM he is not her type pylhysically (infront of them) and that I am exactly her type.

Any suggestions? The approach I am taking, with my coachs guidance, is more of a carrot approach. The stick is happening naturally I think because the fantasy is starting to get real. But I need to have more patience. I need to dig deep.

Honestly the time I spent away fro. The forum has been hard. I feel alone because I do t talk to anyone about my issues. And so here I am. I will risk the 2x4s that may come, for the chance of a few pick me ups from someone. ; )

Starsky, your the man. I know you were showing your wife love until you needed to rock her world to get a responce. You can relate. How did you do? How do you go on showing love and staying calm when you know you are dealing with someone whe is making the biggest mistake of their life? When you you need more patience but your not sure if you have any more?