Decent weekend. D23 is still in town. I was playing with grand-daughter yesterday and talking to W about D22 (D21 just had a birthday), and her habit of twisting stories so she comes out to look like a victim - which is something we are addressing with her, and she seems to be making progress.
W then said the following (and I'm quoting): "Unlike D22, the only thing I'm a victim of is my own stupidity. I know my actions lead to where I am right now and it's my fault." Well, I was speechless and let her run the conversation and just acknowledged what she was saying and answering her questions while I continued playing with the baby on the floor...
You know, there are times when 'I told you so' just doesn't quite cover it. And I've had a few moments recently where I've had the opportunity - and her permission - to say those very words; They never left my mouth. I learned long ago to NEVER say those words to my W - nothing good can come from it.
This kind of statement makes me stop and wonder what exactly it is she's talking about. The R/M or the issue with her business partnership... Any conclusion I try to draw would just be an attempt at mind reading so I try to quickly push that to the side. Then I get stuck at the thought of is this really believable or is she telling me what she thinks I want to hear...?
Still, I'm having trouble identifying these feelings I'm having. I don't know if I've just become numb or indifferent to whats going on.
I've worked hard to learn the triggers that used to cause major blow-ups and fights; these no longer happen.
I used to really worry about if what I did or said would make W mad; now I'm not as concerned about it and am just doing the things I need to do to be a better me.
I'm not being rude or disrespectful and am still DBing. It's become more like a second nature and I don't even think about it much in my daily actions anymore.
I do not know where she is right now, wrt our R/M, and can only assume she hasn't changed her mind. I know for a fact that I am tired of living in a sex and love starved marriage. There's no pursuing on my part - that stopped cold on Dec. 21, 2012. There are occasional flirtations back and forth, always started by her, but nothing ever comes out of it. Wondering if that was too much of a 180. She's the one who said that all feelings were gone and wanted a place of her own - and I'm trying to respect that.
