She called later that night and we talked for about 10 minutes. Basically, I told her it was too difficult to try to be friends with her. The door was always open for her to come and see the kids. If there was an emergency, she could call me anytime, but that was all I could offer her. If she was choosing to leave, then I needed time to heal without talking every other day. All in all, it went well. She kept trying to get angry at me and I just kept saying that I understood how she felt and let her talk. I got blamed for a lot of things that never actually happened, but I listened and I think it went well.
Well done! Sounds like you defused the situation when she tried to elevate it and you also did a nice job of validating her emotions. I think you also did a good job of setting some boundaries regarding being friends. In my sitch it was too difficult to be friends with W right after she left, but after a couple of months we were able to get back to that point, so I think you're right that you just need some time to heal.
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So we talked for a bit and I helped her carry stuff to her car. She was angry that I packed her stuff (She has been a bit of a hoarder since her mom's death and has ALOT of stuff.) It was about 20 boxes just from our room and bathroom and she's already made 3 trips. But, I told her that we needed the space because our daughter had moved back in and is pregnant.
Good. You need the space, you did what you needed to do- packed her stuff up and told her to get it. The fact that it made her angry is not your problem, it's hers.
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I worry that there is no hope for us, but I feel like there's hope for me.
I think the turning point in DB'ing for all of us is when we finally realize that we truly will thrive in life whether with or without our spouse. That realization brings you power over your own destiny, it restores your self-esteem and confidence. Ironically those can be the very things that draw the WAS back. So don't give up hope just yet
