25 that story of your friend brought tears to my eyes. Simply beautiful.
I find this discussion extremely meaningful.
I agree that when I first came here I was scared and looking for the magic pill I had yet to find. Magic words and actions that would end this. I didn't realize until many months later how much this journey is about love...love for oneself and love for others.
IMO - DBing is a tool to be used as a way to discover how to love better. There is no point "doing what works" when it is not motivated from a place of love....
... and that's where I think people get off track.
Yes!!^^....and the converse is true also. When one does what works ---------
but does not LIKE it, b/c that behavior is too "doormat" or "not teaching a lesson!!" so they resist it or stop doing it b/c it's "too easy on the WAS" so they stop.
Then they say it failed and want to try something new and that always seems to mean, something harsher. At least imo.
^^^^THIS is something I find challenging. It is a still (for me) a conscious effort to focus on standing in love and letting go in love, while at the same time protecting broken hearts and maintaining boundaries. Giving space to our needs to find self-love, self-respect and self-esteem once again, without damaging the M/R even more, especially with kids involved. To let go of what seems ‘natural’ i.e. ‘punishing’ the other party, OR to try and reach out, which ends up often looking like pursuant behavior to the WAS.
The balance between acting out of love and not feeling like a ‘doormat’ or even a pursuer is where I find a struggle. Is love given even when one removes themselves out of harms way? Is showing myself love by not initiating contact with H (except for matter of the kids), also extending love to H? It may be since he has declared he does not want me in his life. Is that respect for H? Is it respect for myself?
This tangent is very thought-provoking. It forces me to dig deep for a love that should not be tainted in judgment, bias or bitterness.
I appreciate all of the time and support and advice and thoughts here. Thank you. There is always so much to learn.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
