Val...thanks for the post good things to think of...I did not speak with him about his work...
I was gone from early Sat to 4ish on Sunday...I did tell him that I needed to speak with him about Easter to which he did not know when it was and had not thought about it. I started the conversation and then he redirected it to wanting to take s who will be 19 months old and has had one night away from me, to bring him across the US to Montana for his grandfather's 90th. It sent chills down my spine and I told him that, I took a break then came back to discuss. I told him I had thought about it and that he might ask but had not come up with an answer yet.
H did validate how I was feeling adding in that I might be scared if something happened...to which I can not even think about that. He did think about driving to which it would take two-three days at least to do. It is not realistic...S has never been on a plane and we have never flown with kids. There was no discussion of me going too, which would have been what would have happened before.
I told him I wanted more information on his plan so I can better make a decision on the topic. I want them to go but will kill me a lot. I told H that I felt that I did not have an option, if I say no, it is lack of trust and H will frown on it but saying yes does not guarentee anything either.
I also told H that when he was ready and able I would like to talk some to him (I know this is pushing). He responded well and said that it was only fair to do so, that he was able to speak about a lot of things and I have not been able to. He apologized and said that our talk on the phone a couple of weeks ago (his idea) had gone well.
I told him I had something else I wanted for him to think about before the discussion, told him no matter what I wanted to put the house on the market this spring/summer. I love my house, but it is a house and if we D I can't afford it and if we stay M it is an added stress to fixing our marriage at this time. He said he agreed and had been thinking of it too.
We spoke for three hours last night, it went very well he thanked and appreciated things that I was saying. But it is still too early. HE was at least looking me in the eyes and straight in the eyes when he left, this is a change from his not doing so at the beginning of the night and past.
I don't know if I should have done this or not, but seemed to help, in that he said if I was still in denial on topics and issues he would have really already walked away.
He is also talking about moving to another state three hours away, this is where we lived before, no family there, only work, I agreeded I liked it there but missed my family. Told him if we continued with a D I would stay around my family because I would need them as support.
HE did admit he did not sleep in our bed to which I asked why and he told me it was just too hard for him with tears in eyes.
I am a nervous shaking wreck now...could not sleep, and am not feeling well. Funny that you think you would feel better after such a heartfelt talk....now I feel like I put my heart out there and no one is taking it yet...
STILLLOOKING...
I do think the stress of having another child was the straw that broke the camel's back...I had been speaking about the topic for a long time, but he never told me his thought until they exploded on me, he told me in Dec he did not think he wanted another child with me...I had no clue and did not really listen at the time, thought I could just change things and his mind and we would be all better...not knowing there were so many other issues weighing into his decision.
I just can't believe how much I love and miss him...any advice would be appreciated.
We are suppose to talk more this weekend or Mon. need to pull it together before then.
He did thank me for not calling the night he had s on his own and said me not doing so went a long way. I did tell him when he was in Montana I would call a lot to which he laughed and said that would be different.
