lots for you to be dealing with-hopei t goes okay.
been at hospital last two days- h's dad is dying - seems sudden, but geuss it's been bubbling around inside him-
soemthing about watching him in pain and knowing it's terminal- and thinking last couple years of his life have been miserable and unhappy becaue wife died- maikes me not want to find myself on my last day a dlast few years were awful- for what? perspcetive new a bit on life, etc. oh well- back to that
hope your day is okay- wonder where it's heading for you inlight of this all- any change in your heart or sitchor anytinng really? if that's too personal -e rase it- wonder what it's making you feel inside - well- i guess your ending says it all.
mee too- no matter what i "realize" or feel or think h feels- or wat5ching him watchhis dad - i think ow is still his big "it" and that of course makes me just feellike i want out too. i've got to get serious and make it happen-
i know it- this guy will leave it too long- and maybe really my whole life with hinm has been a sham- another sad little thought-his definition and his revelations. he HAD TO telll me they had some kind of history , worry but what a - dope- oh well- sad little perspective on life here at moment and sad little corner ofl ife-
i guess it's always out there- and it could be me tomorrow - finding out all of a sudden your life is over- OVER - whew....
oh well- good news is leaving hospital last nite-looking at highway- sky, etc.- it was uplifting to be hearing away and knowing i still had a life to live- so that's good. knowing it was there if i use it- or care to use it- or enjoy it- ormake the most of it. cheesy sounding out loud- but sure swept over me again - just in a calm all-encompassing way- (it was a nice nice sky- and a woody stretch of road - it's sad overall sitch- i'm glad i'm my age and not his (if i cannot be 30 and wearing giant highheels and shorts (visit with neice yesterday at hospital- seeeems sooooo young and fun to be her age- but hey, depends on which way i look rite? her or him in bed dying- glad to be me and grateful for chances i think i'll have in future enjoyit all more time...
