I am a M who has been married for 10 years with two S. My W has had at least two EA, maybe even a PA I don't know about, during our marriage. The latest time was just two months ago.
Since that time, we have been speaking with a therapist, and I have read many books and online info. My W refuses to talk about our problems and gets mad when I try and tell her what bothers me and that we need to talk about it.
She has no sex drive and doesn't ever touch or kiss me. Even the cat and dog get kisses. I thought I could work through the problem by giving it time. But the more time that goes by, the more I hate my marriage. I can not understand how she can ignore me and yet "want to try and work it out". I am getting anything from her either emotionally or physically, and haven't for several years. She tells me that I am just not normal, yet refuses to read SSM or anything else. She ignores our marriage counselor and hears only things she wants to hear the counselor.
At what point should I stop getting my heart broken trying to save our marriage when she isn't doing anything to try. I feel used because she gets things she wants from the marriage (I pay the bills, while she gets her college degree), while I feel I get nothing but frustration and heartache.....
What else can I do, or is it time to end my suffering and just get the divorce over with?
Hey man, I totally feel for you...I've been in a similar sitch for about 15 years. We may be falling apart soon because the prob has just gone on too long.
I realize now that I should have been more insistent on working it out much sooner. I didn't know how and was terrified, so I made attempts that didn't get through to her. I should have just slammed on the brakes of our marriage (stop putting up with mediocrity) and made a huge deal of the problem so that she would realize that it was serious and that she was going to be throwing everything away by not working with me on it with counseling, etc.
Unfortunately, I've made the stink a bit too late. At this point it doesn't seem like we can be compatible.
Be kind, be loving but be direct and steadfast in making your voice heard. Fixing a marriage romance should be #1 priority. She will likely freak out for a while but may be the only way to get her to really wake up and be willing to truly work on fixing it.
do you get the feeling that she is buying time while you are paying for her education? You are being used.
what is she working on? If nothing, give her something to work on like paying for her own education! Why should she be comfortable if you are not? Just my 2 cents.
