Hey man, I totally feel for you...I've been in a similar sitch for about 15 years. We may be falling apart soon because the prob has just gone on too long.
I realize now that I should have been more insistent on working it out much sooner. I didn't know how and was terrified, so I made attempts that didn't get through to her. I should have just slammed on the brakes of our marriage (stop putting up with mediocrity) and made a huge deal of the problem so that she would realize that it was serious and that she was going to be throwing everything away by not working with me on it with counseling, etc.
Unfortunately, I've made the stink a bit too late. At this point it doesn't seem like we can be compatible.
Be kind, be loving but be direct and steadfast in making your voice heard. Fixing a marriage romance should be #1 priority. She will likely freak out for a while but may be the only way to get her to really wake up and be willing to truly work on fixing it.
