First off thank you guys for the responses, and support, I really appreciate all input at this point. TT, I haven't been posting here a lot if details of the relationship over the last year since I read DR but I've been doing as SS implied the "180's left and right". I knew when the affairs began I was not just a victim, that I was no longer the young stud she married, but I've been focusing on myself the last six months especially.
Initially I was doing the GAL and 180 steps to elecit a response from her which she could see, and only seemed to make things worse. But since then I've made some big steps towards improving myself: great new job, spending time with friends and family, not doing things just to please her, etc. When I did break down and snooped on her (mistake I know) I found out her affair had become more intense than ever, and she'd just gone more underground with it.
I know that kicking her out seems harsh but I really was just trying to set a boundary that I was not interested in being a babysitter while she snuck out to carry on a PA with OM. I explained I had no desire to separate but her behavior was not acceptable to me anymore.
To clarify when she said she wouldn't see the OM anymore and we could stay together and be miserable, it was just her throwing her tantrum not a serious response. She has no intention of cutting it off with him, she literally thought I would just let her live with me until she could sort out a way to leave for him. Sad thing is he is blatantly using her for the sex only and is not interested in a real relationship.
At first I was going to just serve her papers and ask her to leave when I found out the extent of her affair as of late, but I felt this was me being reactive and chicken. This talk was about me doing the opposite of my past behavior and taking a stand for myself and our family.
This is killing me but I believe it may be the only way to snap her back to reality. I'm open to hearing what you all have to say I don't take any of it personally, this is the hardest thing I've ever done but that also makes believe its right, if that makes any sense.
