Sitting in the back seat!

[Intact]

Believe half of what she does and nothing of what she says.

It's script.

[Occy01]

Thanks Intact for reminding me. When the bombs are dropping, its easy to lose your way!! Got to get back on track. A good idea to read over DR... Gets the mind focused and I find it helps with the PMA...

( journal)Had a tough weekend. Dont ever want to go through that again!! Pick up, dust off and back to it. Plans this week:-

3 x 2hrs (min) at the gym
Read for children every night
Better tone and attitude when talking to W

[LuckyLuke]

Hi Occy01,

Yes, I find weekends tough too. Perhaps you can use the newly available time to GAL more?

What does your W think of your going to the gym? I find running outdoors a more positive experience than the gym.

Do you cook for or possibly with the kids? Are there other things you could do to express your love for them? My D loves to bake together.

With some luck the good weather will hold and the comet will be visible out west this week -

Luke

[Occy01]

Hi Luke. How's things?

W is very positive with my visits to the gym. I love running outdoors too, but just now training both fitness and weights. GAL and getting in shape!

As for interaction with the children, I often cook for them and occasionally bake with them. Read for them at bedtime, as often as possible, play games everything from cards to Wii, but feel like I should do that more often. My son's Tae Kwon Do lessons are a father/son activity, and I am there for 99% of my daughters handball training and matches.

Keeping an eye on the sky for the comet, would be great to share it with the children!

Will be meeting with a new counselot on Wednesday, have a good feeling about him. He specialises in men in 'crisis situations', typically seperation, divorce etc.

[LuckyLuke]

Morning Occy01,

Wow, it sounds like you are a very good dad -- good on ya for that.

So it sounds like your W's complaints about you are not on that front. Is there something you can imagine doing, primarily for your own sake, that would address any of these?

For example, my W thought I was too solitary and so suggested going to activities with other people - I took this idea and now go to a group crossfit gym class, something I've always wanted to try, and also happens to fit with her suggestion. As you say, GAL and get fit too!

Sounds good with a new C. Am looking into a new one also.

Luke

[Occy01]

Hi Luke,

Some of W complaints are about my R with children. She says I don't t show enough patience, talk to them sometimes with little respect, and whine at them or just get angry when they are misbehaving instead of being a firm but fair authority figure. She is better at this than I am. She says they have little to no respect for me, and that sometimes she feels like there's a 3 rd child that she has to teach how to behave....

I summarise these complaints to mean that she feels extremely let down in the parenting department.

This is something I am working on.

As for my R with W its much the same... Talk to her sometimes with little respect, let my bad moods affect the family peace ( I sometimes feel quite depressed and very tired, which can cause bad moods, low tolerance. Have been to doctor about this, who put me in touch with a C, but just now C thinks its better I concentrate on my Sitch. So C put me in touch with the C I will meet tomorrow!!). Because of this,coupled with the fact that we have argued quite a lot, without ever solving problems, just apologising and moving on, she has had enough. Then came the IDLY anymore, there's nothing left to build on etc, I guess fairly typical WAW stuff. W is very strong minded, and just now only wants to remember the bad stuff, refusing to acknowledge that we even had good times. She has even mentioned once that she feels like I have mentally abused her... That hurt. Another problem was that I needed to GAL and expand my circle of friends. I met almost all of my friends through her. Maybe she felt suffocated (speculating)...

But in general she is friendly towards me. But then, she does say she wants us to be friends...

Am also aware of my problems/ mistakes with my marriage. Working on these by TRYING to talk to her in a friendly and respectful way ( sometimes falls apart when I am feeling very sad,angry, hurt), and trying to have a PMA, which is also difficult when W is moving out next week.

Will continue to work and work harder on these issues. For myself and my R with children.

[Occy01]

Wow, it sounds like you are a very good dad -- good on ya for that.

Oh forgot to say.....
Thanks so much Luke! Reading that was a great start to my day!!

Are you looking for a new MC or is it for yourself and personal issues? The C i'll meet tomorrow is 'krishantering för män'. Not a MC. Will let you know how it went...

PMA

[Occy01]

Seems like my feelings about the new C rang true...had a really good connection with him. As expected, no ground breaking stuff, C was out after background info, how I have been feeling, how I am now, how I see the future, and info on my family and Sitch. But as stated, this was expected, and I am very positive of the fact that I felt comfortable talking to him, and I liked the guy. He thinks she's moving way too fast, especially as there are children involved. He puts me in the 'grieving' stage. Already gone through 'shock' where the symptoms he described are panic,desperate attempts at reconciliation,crying, anger, hate and 'sleepless nights'. ' grieving' stage symptoms sadness, depression, negative about the future, negative about the present etc.

Seems to have hit the nail on the head. He also stated, to which I was forced to give a little chuckle, that pressuring W will only push her further away, and I realistic chance of reconciliation would only come about by being friendly, not angry or depressed and by GAL!!! His words " I mean, how attractive do you think it is to be a sad, lonely, depressed person with no interests or friends"!!!!

Started to wonder if he's read DR/DB!!

Daughter sick this week ,with fever. Better now, but now W is suffering instead. Came home from work, picked up S and went to a restaurant with him. Came home, read to him and put him to bed. Brushed the tangles out of D hair, made food for her and W. Went for a walk with dogs, read for D and put her to bed. Made tea for W and put her on the sofa in front of tv with a blanket. Took a shower. Got a pat on the back ( no hug, thanks, she's got a high fever ;-) ) and she says " thanks so much for taking care of everything this evening ", to which I replied simply " No problem. Make sure you take it easy tomorrow"

Felt really good to just get a simple thankyou....

Now i'm REALLY tired!!!

[LuckyLuke]

Wow Occy01 - you handled today really well, cleanly, simply, correct, sympathetically, positive. Continue with that strength -.

Glad to hear C is working out. I like his stages idea: it adds structure to our reactions and helped my understanding (on one BD I broke down in a shock reaction, am now somewhere in or maybe after grieving).

Will see if my C tomorrow has good recommendation.

Lycka till -

Luke

[Occy01]

Wow Occy01 - you handled today really well, cleanly, simply, correct, sympathetically, positive. Continue with that strength -.
Luke

Thanks Luke, much appreciated! Today has been much of the same, just changed the restaurant visit with S to teaching him to ride a bike. Poor thing, he's really struggling!!

W was watching a interior decorating show on tv this evening, I Made a little joke about whether she was getting any tips or inspiration for her new place. It went down well, I think she appreciates my change of approach.

She also told me that she will be moving out on sat. 23rd. :-(
Now for a big question that I have been thinking about for a few days now.... Your opinions would be greatly appreciated....

Should I help her move her stuff to her new place? I have access to a good vehicle and a trailer....but I know it will be very hard for me. But on the other hand, an opportunity for a friendly gesture and giving the impression that all is well.

What do you guys and girls think???