Wife privileges reinstated, back in my own bed!

[mamabird]

Sigh. Obviously other men find me attractive. I have proof of it - 3 times over at least. But like you, Another Stander, I started to "buy in" to my H's concept of me being unappealing. It's part of my own self image of myself and got reinforced by my H's rejection. I think now that I am more aware of this tendency - to seek validation - that I can avoid falling into the same sorts of traps that I have in the past. I don't know that it's a deficiency on H's part. I think he's withholding because he isn't "feeling it."

I'm not sure if we've hit a snag or what. Things were going ok and then after the ski trip things went downhill (no pun intended). I brought that up in MC. What came back was that my H is still hurting a lot about my infidelity and it can't just be wiped away. That I needed to acknowledge it more, factor it in. Probably true. Unfortunately though, the effect on me is that I'm "held hostage" a bit. Yes, it's of my own doing, but the result is that I don't have a lot of grounds for complaint. I think I've mentioned this before, but I have a little joke with my stepmother is that now my H can respond to just about any request with "No, because you cheated on me." So be it. I will probably schedule another call with my coach to work through some of that stuff.

I still struggle a lot with those little things about H that bother me. He made dinner tonight and went to the market while I took the boys to the movies. This is great, really. But I focus on the fact that he went to the overpriced market (which is a lot farther away), because he "knows it"; he made something that was good but not particularly healthy; there was no vegetable. I didn't mention any of this to him but it all still bothers me.

I'm now wearing noise-reducing headphones in addition to earplugs to combat the snoring. I handed him a few overdue bills today (pre-collection notices over a $15 bill). He hasn't had his car serviced in months, nor gone to the dentist, the doctor. He has high blood pressure and hasn't addressed it. He is self-medicating with food. In other words, I don't see him taking a lot of responsibility for himself. He takes responsibility for other things, like the boys, but isn't great at taking care of himself.

By the way, Hopeful, I do think MC is helping. We have a good MC. We both like him. He speaks our language and shoots straight. H thought I didn't like the other (awful) MC because I didn't like what he had to say, but our new guy puts us both in our places. It's very helpful.