I need to get better at experiencing the pain and moving on through it.
I found this interesting and wonder what you think you need to improve? From an outsiders perspective, it looks like you are getting very good at "experiencing the pain" and "moving on through it." You merely came here, mentioned the interaction, were proud of yourself for not running them down (lol) and carried on. I'd say that is great!
The sting of it all gets easier, NLW. I promise you. You really must never expect decency from anyone who has gone to such lengths to lie and cheat. They've already shown their lack of character. But you already know this. And as I've explained previously, there will always be a problem in their relationship given its origins. They both know what the other is capable of. And believe me, when they don't have you to concentrate on anymore, that fact is going to rear its ugly head.
I'm praying for you.
LIS
LIS, Thanks for this.
In answer to your first question, I would like not to experience quite so much pain and think about it for quite so long. I still have moments when i don't believe this can actually be happening to me.
Sometimes I still can't completely accept that he's gone. That I'll be D-ed next week and that this has been going on for so long (it seems like yesterday that he came home from dropping the kids at school and sat down at the kitchen table to tell me "I can't do this any more").
But, I did cope with seeing them without blowing up (or running them down!). And my choice was much better for me than if I'd raged and confronted them. So I must be getting somewhere.
I take your point that the sting gets easier. I can imagine that it'd be almost imperceptible if i could find a nice new partner to share my life with (LOL).
And BTW, I do realise that's not the point of going through all this pain.
I love your insight: "They both know what the other is capable of" - ain't that the truth!
OW attempted to blackmail stbx in order to make him tell me about their A first time around. And when he broke it off with her (at my instigation), I can still see the capitalised text she sent him: I WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE.
What a prize she is. But as stbx commented in a moment of clarity: "We deserve each other."
It's going to take a while for me to stop being their focus - the court case over finances is going to be long and complicated. I will be the obvious cause of their problems for months/years to come. STBX will go ape-sh_t over having his business and personal records investigated, as well as needing to maintain the facade, to her, that I have taken all of his money/assets.
I wish I could cease to be the 'force' that impels them to bond together, but at the moment, while the financials are being dealt with, I can't see how I can do much about this. I'll try to keep on my path of holding to my values, detaching from their drama and focusing on me and the kids.
