~need advice with going dark~

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks Renee~~

again I only call it a MLC because it fits so good when I read about it... but maybe it's not.??? I honestly tried to give her positive attention... but it's hard to compete with 20yr olds who are giving her attention...

Please explain what you did when you "tried to give her positive attention" and why it would be hard to compete with a 20 y/o, in terms of giving her attention. I don't see why those things would be so hard. I'm being sincere.

He's NEW, yes. But OM does not know her as well, so what do you mean by saying it's "hard" to give her positive attention. You mean it's hard to give her words of affirmation, which sound like one of her love languages? Btw, I also suggest you read "The Five Love Languages" and or take their online quiz.

Not sure how good the quiz is is but the book is excellent, and you sound a bit impatient. Remember what my several posts said about that....do you remember? BE MORE PATIENT. You already bought her out of the house and she just BD's 3 months ago...what was the rush??


I knew I was in trouble when she came home one day and said she felt like "the head cheerleader in school" she was getting way too much attention and was really liking it.. again something she would have normally avoided...


explain what 'getting way too much attention" means and why it's bad. And then please tell me why she would "normally avoid" it.

When I was in the Army, in my officer basic course, I was one of 7 women with 73 males in our class. Literally over a 10 to 1 ratio. I got A LOT of attention for all 5 years of Active Duty and 4 years of reserves. Very little of it, threatened my marriage.

I admit, it was good for my ego. But a good self esteem helps most m's. The only time I ever felt tempted to stray was when H was an intern and worked such long hours AND came home so tired that I was neglected a lot AND then a Kevin Costner lookalike came into work and flirted a lot with me.


I DID know the internship would sukk AND that it was only going to last one year though. That helps. I am not sure your w thought your work hours would get better anytime soon. When she asked you to be home more, it sounds as if you "explained" to her why you wre working so hard.

That translates to "don't expect improvement" to her. Can you see how it might have souned that way, to her?


If I'd never seen the light at the end of the tunnel, (ie., knowing exactly WHEN it was going to improve and how)

then who knows what might have happened? I wouldn't have lived an intern's wife's life, indefinitely, for sure.




He had our cild

???

Ya I know I have to leave her alone and do her own thing and let this thing with the OM run it's course... I am starting to realize I am powerless against it... I only have the power to change myself and my D...


Thank you soo much for your support. and I value anything you can help me with...

yes you are powerless over THEM...NOT powerless over YOU.

you can only change yourself and create an environment for change for your d. You cannot control HER, however. Okay?
,
Let's let go of that misconception before it leads to trouble...

you can do this. In reality, it's much easier to live happily, when you let go of what you never had control over in the first place.