Another dollar in my one-man show

[Big Bruce]

Hi,
Once more, thank you for all the precious input from you all. If I'm recovering, it's greatly in part thanks to your hammering these same advices on me. I'm sure you realized by now I need things to be repeated before it gets through..

So, just to sum it up really quickly : W is nowhere to be seen. But she does communicate by email. Only things about S, she wanted my permission for a speech assessment appointment earlier this week (which I gave), and comments on S visit with me yesterday (from 9am to 3pm) because I hadn't written anything on the "log book" thing.

For the moment, I'm following the plan : no unecessary contact with W. In fact, the less, the better, to give her the emotionnal availabiliy to miss me, or at least not have the feeling that her arm is twisted into thinking about coming back.

W wants to "win", and show how hurt she was, and how unhappy she is and that nobody can force her into staying with me. You know what? Fine. I let her win, figuratively.
I have been far from a perfect husband, and I made mistakes. Apparently mistakes that deserve death, since my life is finished now.
One generation is wasted, and since the only thing left is my S, I hope he'll do better than I did.

I am taking a parenting course, and have nothing to do in life (apart from work) besides taking care of him, when I have him.

I hope I won't have to go to pre-trial. The L strongly advised me to try and negociate with W, to reach a settlement and not go to pre-trial, which leads to trial, which costs between 40 000 and 50 000$. (Are those "normal" numbers for a D?)

How can I negociate with W if from July 2012, I haven't been able to sit and have a coffee once with her?

This week, I asked if one Saturday visit with S, could be postponed by one day to Sunday, (because Saturday, I had registered for a Men's conference with many churches...). She said no.
No compassion, no giving one inch, no nothing from her.
This isn't the girl I married. I just have to accept it as a death. The girl I married died, I won't see her again. I have to toughen up, and keep trudging through the circumstances, and be brave. One day, there won't be no more tears, until then, I got to clench my jaw and proceed.

Wish you all good week,
B.