Good morning 25... yes I was very tired when I wrote that.. sorry.. I was wondering that when I was typing it how it was going to turn out...
my daughter came to live with us in very early Sept... she couldn't stand living with her mother anymore and finally came to live wit us... My W over the years was my biggest cheerleader in getting my daughter to come live with us.... she knew how much I missed her and loved being a dad... Yes before that it had only been her daughter that lived with us full time... the only child.... which again became part of the problem later on... it came out after the BD that he daughter wasn't happy about my D coming to live with us....
the first two months were good..we were doing things together as a family... dinner.. shopping... stuff like that.. then my daughter was lying about certain little things.. like who ate the last of the chips... and she stole $10 from a change jar we had in the office..... it was an instant turn of for my W and SD... it's like they hated her at that point.. the W at that point did the "flip" she changed from that point on.. and that was about a month and a half before the BD.... she started to really pull back from me for the fist time... dressing different.. staying out later with her "new friends" stuff like that... I know that my D was the straw that broke the camels back... but she was the last thing that did it.. she could have only only been 5% of the problem... but she was the last 5% of stress she could handle...
I did not have my head in the sand at all.. actually she seem too.. every time I had brought up anything about the two girls not getting along she was just tell me they are teenagers and let them work it out... that it was normal because they need to workout the new situation on their own..... of course after the BD she was blaming 90% of it on the kids not getting along .... my D actually got most of the blame..( again soooo not like the W to do something like this and to say the things she was saying) but looking back she already had the OM on the side and it had turned into a PA....she was leaving regardless. or started saying how she needed space...
again I can't stress this enough... this is sooo 180 from how the W would act. like most members on here say that her MLC was going to happen in her life regardless.... I believe her being in school being at max stress levels... turning 40...surgery.. my D coming to live with us... me working more and more.... turned a mid life transition into a crisis..... the perfect storm of events happening all at once... I am not trying to blame all my life's problems on MLC..... but we always had been a couple who could talk and work out problems without a whole lot of conflict... then this happened and her reaction was 100% opposite of what I had known for the past 9yrs.
I have sat with my D many times and talked to her about what has happened and explained that it is not her fault.... and it's not... it helps that the W is acting a bit nutty and has he young guy.. it shows her more so that the alien came and took the W away... plus towards the end the lies were soo much and crazy that it was very easy to see how she really did flip
so currently the W has her daughter living with her.. they rented a house on the other side of town... and my daughter lives with me in the matrimonial home... I still talk with the SD a bit... but the W doesn't want her to talk with me because she is afraid I am going to tell her D about OM.... she is still hiding it from her daughter.... tells them they are just friends and only hang out because they are in the nursing program together... Her D always tells me that she wishes we were still together and doesn't understand how things went so bad so fast. but her mom tells her this is for their future.
I am trying to spend as much time as I can with my D... we go for walks at night... (weather is starting to get better now) since the W and I usually went to jamaica or punta cana twice a year...so I am now planning on taking my D with me this fall.. we were going to go now.. but I just had to give the W a huge chunk of $$ my daughter is almost 16..(next month)..... she will start counselling then.. if she goes now she needs permission from both parents. and no way would her mom give that to her... so we have to wait...there is work to be done with my D for sure... and that is were I need to focus my energy on .... I know this... trying to move my focus from my W to my daughter isn't easy.. but she needs me right now.
Sorry if I am leaving stuff out when I am trying to explain stuff.. I am literally just starting to pull myself together again.... I feel since the BD I have lost the last 3 months of my life.... I have trouble remembering stuff I did.
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
