Wife has asked if she can out bowling with her friends later. She wasn't really asking for an answer and I didn't give her any. (I haven't a clue how to respond to it.)
For the first time in months and months the wife didn't go out at all over the weekend which I guess is a good sign (although she may have done on the Friday as I wrote in my last reply)
She also played with our son today and is doing some gardening. Perhaps a sign that she is coming back slowly? Perhaps. Probably not though.
Being upbeat is a lot easier than I expected but I do worry that she and I have virtually zero conversation and that with my distancing myself from her will lead to even less chat.
At the same time my attitude towards her for the last few days has made me happier (with the rest of my life) so I suppose I have to take consolation and remember that this is my me (and my children) and not, directly, for the wife.
I still haven't received DB (I think that I'll have to give it up as lost and buy another copy) but I did get a hypnosis CD for confidence. I must admit that I wasn't expecting too much from it but I do feel better about myself, on the whole, so maybe that has had some part in it too. Anyway I'll persevere with it and hope that it continues to make a difference. It only needs 30 or so minutes a day of peace and quiet though that can be hard to find sometimes with the kids around (especially as they're off on holiday.)
I was thinking about the success stories and the ones that have failed and wonder if there aren't so many success stories simply because this is a "sad" site. In other words when people get back to together with their partners then they may wish never to see the site again (let alone write in it) because it brings back too many painful memories and they wan't to leave them in the past. Just an idea and not a very original one either, I guess.
I'm scared of my marriage failing but I do have to remind myself that if I met my wife for the first today would I be interested in her? Probably not. I, along with most other people, am still hoping that at some point in the future my old wife will come back (or at least somebody closely resembling her) but, at the same time, recognizing the distinct possibility that this may never happen.
That's enough venting. Time to get back to trying to learn my wife's bloody first language!!!
Me: 42 W: 40 M: 18 T: 20 D13 D10 S7 BD: 8/2012 Still living together
