Grace, I only wanted to stop by and tell you I'm here for you. I don't see anything else you can do except for let your W do whatever she feels is right for her while sending her love. It's only when you are emotionally detached that you can truly love and be ready to receive love.
You've been so strong and full of compassion. This is what life will return to you. ((((((((((()))))))))))
NG am so sorry about how you are feeling right now. I can't say I know how you feel because I don't thinking can ever be truly prepared for having to accept something happening to them that they know they don't want. And I know you have so much love and compassion in your heart for W. I do feel your love. It is strong and endless. Allow that love to be endless for yourself too. We are here riding out the wave with you.
Love you so much
Xxx
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Oh and it's so cool that you have been meeting DBers in real life! Super cool!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Grace, every time I hear "dig deeper" at this stage of the game I have a few unpleasant thoughts and think, "I've already dug to my feet!"
But then I dig a little more and I find some little nugget that allows me to love myself more.
I think that's what we really need to learn, to love ourselves, no matter what anyone told us in the past, we are loveable.
We also need to forgive ourselves and those we love because just as our actions weren't meant to intentionally hurt, neither are theirs meant to hurt us.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Thank you Val. I think I am hoping for some last minute miracle touchdown play to prevent the D. It is my fear that if the D goes through, all chance of R is gone. It feels like I am grasping to the edge of a cliff (my M) and W keeps chopping away at the rock I am holding on to...the piece I am grasping is tiny now but.. I think you are right, it is time to just let go of the M...
SS, thank you. you have been so good to me. your strength and self confidence are an example to me
KG, thank you sweet friend. your offer and your support means so much. i do have a busy weekend planned which is good. a friend who i have not seen in years invited me to a big party tonight, which is a great opportunity to get to know a whole new crowd as it is orange county lesbians. the funny thing is that i am not sure if she thinks it is some kind of date..i dont think so as i think i made it clear when we talked last week that i am still recovering... but i am so out of touch with all this that i am a bit worried. ...lol
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
dear SD, I envy you the birding course. I went on a walk a few weeks ago where i saw a bunch of blue and green herons and some different egrets.. it was very cool.
dear tori, thank you for confirming what i know in my heart...there is nothing more i can do but send her love and wish her happiness. she knows where my heart is and for me to do anything now is not being respectful of her, i think. thank you for the hugs and kindness.
dear busting, my picnic sister, thank you for riding this wave with me, i feel so much better with the support of all of you dear friends here. please come and visit us sometime, i would love that!
dear bug, your words this morning really helped me to realize that this current wave is another opportunity for me to grow. (although i am with you, sometimes i think enough already!) i have been thinking a lot lately about forgiveness and trying to wrap my head and hart around what it means to me, both for myself and my regrets in the M and for my STBXW. thank you, bug.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
It feels like I am grasping to the edge of a cliff (my M) and W keeps chopping away at the rock I am holding on to...the piece I am grasping is tiny now but.. I think you are right, it is time to just let go of the M...
NG, I think we all know the feeling of what you describe above. I guess the best advice I can give you is to think of this kind of like a dream where you are falling or in this case hanging onto the edge of a cliff and the rock breaks free and you are falling and you are terrified and you are sure you are going to die, or worse.... but then, just as you are about to hit bottom, you wake up and realize that you will live to see another day.
And you will!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Thinking about you NG, hope you are feeling better today. Clinging and grasping to the edge is a feeling we all have at times. I def. think it's time to let go. The helpless feeling is the worst part, time to let go of expectations and control for all of us. (((NG)))
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
