Busting and Sub, thanks for the input...and I agree.
Sometimes I feel like I am swimming in the ocean and all this great input, whether thru books, IC, or from this forum is floating around. It all has it's place, and eventually it'll all come together, but a lot of times it just feels like you are staring at one piece and can't see the entire picture.
Fix me? Yes, definitely. Show W my changes? Check. GAL? Check. Enjoy the moment? Check. Forgive me...and W? Got it. Love me? Uh...ok. Stand up for myself? Uh...I was just figuring out how screwed up I was a minute ago...can I do that?
Certainly, there is a timeline where all these things fit...but unfortunately, the timeline is different for every single person so it's difficult to replicate for others.
I believe it is a process...looking back I'm happy with what I've done and the timeline I've done it in, but even with the progress I've made, even with the short term plans I've made, I still feel lost sometimes. I feel like I am on the right path now. I don't think my W can move forward until I let her go. But it is like sliding on the ice and someone telling you not to brake...it goes against your natural instinct.
I love my W with all my heart...she is my soulmate, if there is such a thing. Yet, thru this process, I find myself letting go....I don't want to, but I feel I have to. I feel that not only do I need to respect her and her beliefs, but I have to respect me and stop allowing her to do things I wouldn't accept in a new relationship. When I look back over the last few years and see the disrespect my W has treated me with, and I've accepted, it's appalling. My commitment to this M has overwritten my self-respect....to my detriment.
