W wants the names of some MLC sites that I am NOT posting on (she has said before she doesn't want to read what I went through and all that)...hmmm...good or bad, that is the question,lol....I gave her some, heros spouse, etc.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T, That's a good one for her to go to. Also, Jim Conway's is another one.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
T2 I think it's a really great thing she wants to learn more about this. She's accepting what it is and can then help herself recognize things for what they are and help herself move through it. I think that's a brilliant thing she asked you for resources.
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
Thanks Snodderly, I had forgotten about him, I set the link over to her.
Raine, W seems to accept where she is, she even told her Mom she is in MLC, soooo...I am being pretty good about being ONLY a "research assistant" to Dr. W, M.L.C., esq.
I am not offering any opinions/conclusions/information unless asked, and the things I have shared were usually spot on for what she has felt/feels, so I think she trusts (again) my judgement of information, having a sciency nerd side of me does have it's advantages at times...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
A spouse that actually knows they have suffered from an MLC... I think so many of us here wish for that epiphany from our S's! I know you have gone through hell, and have the patience of a saint, and it is paying off.
Your W seems to be feeling her way along, even if it seems like she's taking the scenic route to exit the tunnel
Keep being that loving, supportive, compassionate, non-judgemental and of course patient "research assistant".
You keep inspiring so many here
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
You might consider recommending to her, Christine Schaap's book "Bring it On". She wrote this to help women get through their MLC, or 'transition' as she likes to call it.
Christine, now a life coach who almost lost her H during her own MLC, has a line she likes to tell women who come to her for guidance, that as a husband, I really liked:
Originally Posted By: Christine Schaap
Your marriage is not the problem, and a new man is not the solution.
MLC is all about finding meaning and purpose.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Yes, I think it's interesting that I'm observing my H moving from finding "meaning and purpose in life" ... to ... "meaning and purpose in HIS life". There is a difference there and I think that it is the thought he can look for this meaning while still not giving up his family he loves dearly. At first, he felt that had to be discarded, but he has embraced the thought that this search can be enhanced by staying married. At least that's what I'm reading from him.
T^2, how is W processing? How are things going?
I read what hrm said about the long term issues. A few convo's I had with my H before we were M came to mind this week. I brought them to his mind and he remembered. He had these issues back then but they were pushed aside for the more urgent callings of getting on with life--getting married, working, having another baby, etc. Now, all these years later it becomes a crisis precipitated by a death in the family.
And what you said to hrm about H not being overly communicative? I think GALBaby is facing the same thing. My H opened up a lot more with the emotional phase he went through....but not so much now. He is looking much more serious but his actions are in the right direction. Or something like that. I needed the encouragement too!
Originally Posted By: Takevowsserious
You keep inspiring so many here
Very much so!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
W has been ill, so nothing has been expected. I had my own little bout of "sitch weariness" to deal with...
Something did come to light, but I am waiting for W to fully disclose anything that may need disclosing in her own time, just taking care of the necessities and will worry about the details later.
W did vent about being frustrated with why she's not happy, she said she is lucky and has so much :"the kids, you (meaning me (a quiet yay?), the house, etc"...not exact, but same meaning...
She is processing so much, going back and rebuilding her timeline, trying to make sense of her life thus far and her running. Well, that my take-away from it.
I am still not pressuring, letting her lead...my 3 month check-in is due soon, I know my answer...no desire or pressing need to quit or "move on"...what's another 90 days for a possible 20-40 years more in the big scheme...low cost, so I'll buy...
Let's see, April last year I lost my satan horns and tail, let's see what this April brings...I am hoping for a halo or something...
I wrote some new music, and I have my man cave back from our squatter/renter, so enjoying my music and such...nice to have somewhere to go to stay out of my, and her, way when needed...
Hope everyone is having a good weekend...! T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Keep up the great work, keep plowing through the weariness.
Back packing time is almost here! Yet another option to keep out of the way..
A quote on true love for you this evening -
"If true love is what you want, you have to take risks. Let your mate know what you've done and who you are. Reveal what a disappointment you are. If they continue to choose to love you, not because of who they want you to be, but rather in spite of who you are, then perhaps for first time in your life, you will receive true love - a love that isn't earned, one that not based on what you do for another, not based on being acceptable or your performance, but a love that is full and rich. It is real love when you can finally be accepted for who you are."
We know how much you truly and deeply love your wife. I have faith that one day, she will know it too
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
I am still not pressuring, letting her lead...my 3 month check-in is due soon, I know my answer...no desire or pressing need to quit or "move on"...what's another 90 days for a possible 20-40 years more in the big scheme...low cost, so I'll buy...
I looked through your past threads for a while. You said this six months ago:
Originally Posted By: TSquared2
I'm in for another 3 months. Quitting is off the table.
The last 3 months since last check-in just flew by. I can't believe I have lasted, grown as much as I have...I guess it is true that you never get more than you can handle from God.
You've been through a lot. You sound a lot calmer in your postings now. A lot more grounded. A lot more able to handle W's varying emotions and her processing.
I'm glad you have a place now to go to recharge....in the man cave. That is so important! Backpacking is up on the calendar for the summer....how is the gardening looking?
Just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you for the personal growth, the sharing and helping here on this forum, and the example you are setting to help us all along the way.
You helped me so often in some REALLY bad and confusing times last year! I'll never forget that.
Thank you so much! rH
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
