Help & Advice needed please Thread 2

[Intact]

Thanks for the reply FloydMan - I don't think I put too much pressure on her to be honest - I think she would just find it so much easier if she didn't have to have anything to do with me...

I can't mind read but I do think she feels an awful lot of guilt - who wouldn't? I've also believed that she would of worked on our marriage if OM wasn't involved...

These days it's like she doesn't even want to be in the same room me, even see me and I'm sure that's easier for her - when she does see me she tends to get rather emotional.

[FloydMan]

Hope you are doing a little better pal.

[Spartan]

Intact - How are you doing? What have you been up to?

[Intact]

Hi Spartan - I'm up and down at the moment but doing ok... How are you? Thanks for asking...

JOURNAL

W has seemed a little warmer to me in recent conversations - which have been few and far between. I know she is with OM now so trying to take my mind off it.

Strangely, 2 of her friends asked me last week if I would still take her back - chalking that up to a coincidence though...

I do still miss her dearly and will do especially tomorrow being Mother's Day - have bought her flowers and a dress scarf off our son - I hope she likes them.

Whilst detaching seems to be getting a little easier I do still find it hard... Especially the don't initiate contact as I'm worried this is more of the same behaviour from me.

[Intact]

Ok so hoping someone can help me here... Things seem to of very much stalled with my W so I was considering booking a DB coaching session...

I'm in the UK does know the correct number to dial and the cost please? Have tried the numbers on the site but it doesn't seem to work... I'm probably doing something wrong...

Saw W briefly today and she had a new ring on her wedding finger - that hurt a little. I jokingly asked if she was engaged and she just told me she wears the ring on whatever finger it fits depending on how cold her hands are etc. I think it's a little harsh personally, but there you go... The mind of a WAW.

[Intact]

JOURNAL:

Really struggling today, no idea why I'm just so sad that my W finds it easier and better to run off with OM than she does work on our marriage. I find it the saddest thing because in my heart of hearts I truly believe we would be happy together with my new changes...

Sometimes I think all of this is really done. I don't think anything could ever make her reconsider - she is so stubborn and the truth is she seems to be enjoying every minute of her new life.

[Spartan]

Mindreading...

You have no idea whether she is enjoying every minute or if she's in misery and putting on a good face. Stop worrying about it because either way their really isn't anything you can do except drive yourself crazy.

Hard question for you: Do you love your W enough to want her to be happy even if she's not with you?

What type of things are you wanting to work on with the DB coach?

[Intact]

Mindreading...

You have no idea whether she is enjoying every minute or if she's in misery and putting on a good face. Stop worrying about it because either way their really isn't anything you can do except drive yourself crazy.

Hard question for you: Do you love your W enough to want her to be happy even if she's not with you?

What type of things are you wanting to work on with the DB coach?

Thanks spartan I know you're right...

I do love my wife enough, no question I suppose I just have this feeling that we could be very happy together - as a family...

As far as the DB coach goes I just wanted to ask what I should do next - she is x little warmer to me now - at least face to face anyway. Just thought a coach may be able to give me some new ideas.

Thank you for the advice - it is really appreciated - I know I need to stop mind reading - and this is what I struggle with the most...

[Spartan]

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't questioning why you wanted to talk with a DB coach. Reason I asked is to make sure you had thought about what you wanted from the call.

I do love my wife enough, no question I suppose I just have this feeling that we could be very happy together - as a family...

I know the feeling buddy, I feel the same way. Something I had to realize is that my W doesn't share the same opinion as I do. The only way to convince her otherwise is to show her, through my actions, that a new M with me won't be the same as the previous one we struggled with. In order for that to happen I have to look at myself and change what I don't like before I can honestly expect her to take another look at us.

Have you made enough changes in yourself already?

Are those changes natural and a part of you?

[Intact]

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't questioning why you wanted to talk with a DB coach. Reason I asked is to make sure you had thought about what you wanted from the call.

I do love my wife enough, no question I suppose I just have this feeling that we could be very happy together - as a family...

I know the feeling buddy, I feel the same way. Something I had to realize is that my W doesn't share the same opinion as I do. The only way to convince her otherwise is to show her, through my actions, that a new M with me won't be the same as the previous one we struggled with. In order for that to happen I have to look at myself and change what I don't like before I can honestly expect her to take another look at us.

Have you made enough changes in yourself already?

Are those changes natural and a part of you?

I have made changes and for the most part they are very natural now...

She now knows that I am financially responsible - as I am paying for the house and all of the bills by myself. As part of my GAL I have started going to the theatre to see plays etc. I have really enjoyed this and I know it's something she's always wanted me too do.

I understand what you're saying with regards my W doesn't feel the same. But at the moment she has a OM and sees her Son 3 days a week - surely us working to live in a happy marriage where she sees her Son everyday would be better than her current life? It really does baffle me.