I found the discussion about mutual respect enlightening. It seems like common sense but I don't know that I ever looked at it quite that way before. For those who haven't read it, the basic idea is that if your spouse is disrespecting you (i.e. having an EA/PA), and you allow it, their respect for you continues to erode and therefore, so does their attraction to you.
My basic advice to Regret in her sitch was to "grow a backbone" and now I can see why I felt that way...definitely goes to respect. When my W did it, I actually became more attracted to her. I had more respect for her than I ever had, and therefore wanted it to work more than ever.
I've been in limbo for a long time now and I can see now that the reason why is that I wasn't ready to let go. I think you really do have to be ok with the M ending (i.e. opening the cage as Dobson called it). You really do have to love and respect yourself, and convey that to your partner.
Interesting thought here, of course we should grow a backbone, in hindsight it seems so obvious, however during the emotional period of the BD and for some many months after we feel guilty as heII. I think this guilt transforms into subservient attitudes, for me a little co-dependency thing going on as well. Nothing to bad but enough to almost stop me in my tracks. Keep the thought rolling, I like your thinking.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
