Thanks for your support. It makes it so much easier to keep going along the higher road.
Although I know I've got to ignore their obvious antics and not be sucked in, I still have some sort of primal urge to confront them.
Hearing from you guys makes it so much easier to remember that doing so would be the wrong choice.
I'll take you with me (or at least your words will be ringing in my ears) every time I head out to our village centre.
Been thinking about what I saw yesterday.
It helps me to imagine that STBX actually did not look relaxed. He was leaning back and away from OW. She was acting like a silent movie actress - leaning forward, over-smiling, smirking and gesticulating.
Flapping her mouth like extras do when they're meant to be having a conversation but don't really have anything to say.
Pawing at his leg in an obvious 'show' of ownership. People in solid relationships don't do this.
And the look on STBX's face when I saw it in the rear-view mirror - he looked sad/troubled, maybe even embarrassed.
Anyway, that's just me fantasising about them not being really happy - but it helps!
NLW, you said, "I need to get better at experiencing the pain and moving on through it." Rephrase that as, "I need to stop myself from experiencing pain." By experiencing pain, you are punishing yourself for your H's disrespectful behavior. Think of it this way. He does something bad and then you punish yourself. Looking at things this way might help. I know it's not that easy, but it can be done. I'm applying it now that I really need it, and it does help. (((((((())))))))
Remember that WAS will go for someone that strokes their ego. The OP isn't their ideal partner. They're just a band aid. Continue the relationship doesn't mean it's a healthy relationship. OW is not someone he would be dating had he been in a healthy place in his life. Get my drift?
Long story short... She doesn't even reach the heals of your shoes. -that's a saying in Spanish ;-)
Also, if you haven't already done so. Don't let him explain or check in on you to see if you're ok. Change the subject or continue to avoid him if that's what you've been doing since before this cafe silliness.
I wish you could tell OW, go back to freakin high school!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
You were brilliant. They must have felt pathetic that you drove by without reacting. Here she is putting on show, rubbing his leg and the audience just keeps on moving.
They look like fools (or high schoolers) out there in front of the neighborhood cafe. I will pray for your H.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I need to get better at experiencing the pain and moving on through it.
I found this interesting and wonder what you think you need to improve? From an outsiders perspective, it looks like you are getting very good at "experiencing the pain" and "moving on through it." You merely came here, mentioned the interaction, were proud of yourself for not running them down (lol) and carried on. I'd say that is great!
The sting of it all gets easier, NLW. I promise you. You really must never expect decency from anyone who has gone to such lengths to lie and cheat. They've already shown their lack of character. But you already know this. And as I've explained previously, there will always be a problem in their relationship given its origins. They both know what the other is capable of. And believe me, when they don't have you to concentrate on anymore, that fact is going to rear its ugly head.
Hi NLW I think you handled yourself with grace and dignity. You sound strong and calm. :-) I think you are doing better than you can see - but have come to realise over the months we often for see our own progress as other do. So feel proud. (((()))
LIS - I read as many posts as I can from you. They always are insightful ad calming to me at the same time. Thank you.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
yes, NLW, you handled it with class. let that image stay with H and OW.
NG, What you said was incredibly helpful to me.
I seem to need to have mantras or mind images that i can draw on in times of panic/fear.
The notion that H and OW didn't get what they wanted out of me by way of reaction, and that they now have to deal with an alternate image of me being detached/non-reactive, is great for my self-esteem.
I can imagine how confirming it would have been for them if i'd gotten out of the car and given them a mouthful.... What a POS I would have been to them. Here's the maniac again, poor STBX. She really is a bi_ch...etc.
