Life, One Day at a Time (22 months)

[25yearsmlc]

What is the difference between Pity and Empathy?
Does Grace and forgiveness require Empathy?

Interesting points that I haven't ever thought about before.

Empathy - The intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

Pity - sympathetic or kindly sorrow evoked by the suffering, distress, or misfortune of another, often leading one to give relief or aid or to show mercy.

I don't completely understand.

I can't recall the author of this quote, but it goes something like "Pity is one step away from contempt."

I think there's something inherently imbalanced between two parties if one pities the other, as if the one to be pitied is lower in some way. Or subordinate or inferior in some way. NOT saying you intend that.

But when i read Val's post which substituted the word empathy for pity I immediately agreed. When you had used the word "pity" for your w, there was almost a visceral response in me that found it off putting.

I could not articulate it, and so I said nothing b/c I agreed with the bulk of your post.

But yes, I think there's a distinction. I know you don't want to hear this but I'll spit it out anyhow b/c I truly don't know another way to say it.

But when you say you pity your w, PART of me gets it. I have pitied my h for the damage he caused his r's with our children.

But part of me still thinks there's a thread of self righteousness coming through, and that piece troubles me.

We can all say, truly, that our WAS's behavior at some point in their MLC or leaving or whatever the heck it is, was selfish or deceitful or worse.

But are they to be defined by this one period?

B/c IF they are defined by it in our eyes, reconciliation is not really on the table anymore, is it?

Just food for thought.