Tallula you are such an inspiration to me and I am sure to many others too. I hope that in 2 months time I am singing muppets songs too...believe it or not even after one month I'm almost beginning to hum...

One thing that I did that helped me get some perspective with my situation was ask our MC (we also saw him as IC) his honest professional opinion as to how long it would take in therapy for my H to be able to have a healthy relationship. MC said that with regular counseling and a lot of work on his part it would take several years...maybe 6 or so...and keep in mind that H showed no remorse and was not even slightly interested in restoring our marriage...so it was a moot point with us. So I did the math and realized my S8 would be a teenager and the little guy would be 11. That is a pretty long time to be hanging on and in an unhappy relationship. Think of how happy I could be with someone else or alone in a fraction of that time I might be waiting for H.

The other thing I asked in a joint session with the same MC (I told H I was goign to ask and he agreed). was what we each needed to work on individually. MC rattled off a list of things for H...work on honesty, trustworthiness, emotionally connected to kids, accept all emotions from me and kids without shutting down, explore/resolve childhood traumas...

And then my list was like this: "You are amazing. I can't believe how well you are handling this and how clear-headed you are. Keep on doing what you're doing".

I am FAAAAAAARRRRR from perfect. And I think the MC was glossing over some things I really do need to work on (like running the show--I always overcompensate and do far too much in a relationship, enabling H to do far too little) But a little affirmation didn't hurt at all. Even though I was sad to hear H had so much to do.

My point is that though I don't know your H, he cleary has SO MUCH to work on, and it may very well take years for him to resolve his issues. Just think of how completely happy you could be in the time it takes for him to "catch up with you" emotionally. You can do so much better. Maybe your relationship's purpose was to give you 3 great kids and prepare you for the next relationship.

Hoping for a miracle...but so glad you are in a good place right now. Have a wonderful weekend!