Was catching up on your thread, wow, you got a lot going on!
The depression/self-loathing/self-hatred is hard to see. On one level, it can be validating that hey, I was right, it's not me. But it is heart breaking to see someone you love and care about so much be in a tremendous amount of pain.
My H also said he has "demons" to deal with (but didn't tell me what). Has said many times he's a bad person, a failure, a miserable mess. He has also said he doesn't want to be a burden. I remember a specific incident where I told my H that being in a bad place didn't make him a bad person. He told me he didn't want to hear me say that, to stop saying that.
More MLC script?
I totally get the heart and head battle - mine seem to fight it out about something every day
We are the lucky ones as far as spending time with our children. I feel like my H has missed out on so much over this past year + while he has been checked out into his own little self-centered world of pain and illusions. I don't regret one moment I've spent with the boys, not one.
You sound good, strong, like you have a lot of clarity despite the internal battle going on.
Keep up the great work
Ps - hi AJ! Great insight as always
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
