A person doesn't live a life like you describe, and keep a home, family, job, while juggling multiple relationships with OWs WITHOUT having a codependent partner.
His life doesn't work without your contributions to it -- you've kept him afloat in a million different ways, I would guess.
Again, meetings are free. Try 6. You'll get support. What could it hurt?
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
From whom? His parents? I already told him that if I answer the phone I'm not lying to them. You're right that I'm not contacting them specifically TO tell them. Everyone else knows our kids, his kids, friends.
Originally Posted By: oldtimer
My suggestion is just that she get a bit of stability and perspective before deciding how or whether she wants to force the issue.
I'm not sure I understand this. You don't feel I should insist H move out, or scramble for alternate living arrangements myself until I have counseling? Why? Because counseling will do what? Let me know that my M is untenable? I know that already. Let me know that I have contributed? I know that too. Could you please elaborate on this point?
Originally Posted By: oldtimer
I'm not talking about a lot of time either. My concern here is for MizJ's sake -- she needs to take the space and time to figure out how to handle things in the way that best meets her needs.
Intriguing. What do you see as my options? I'd LOVE to know there is something other than breaking up my family because that is the only option I can see. I cannot continue to live with H, and H is not willing to change, and I certainly cannot change him.
Originally Posted By: oldtimer
I agree that it is a healthy thing for MizJ to recognize this as a non-negotiable line that has been crossed. But what is the consequence? H has to cook his own dinner? I think more is called for, a firmer boundary.
Definitely need to explain WHAT you suggest. I have asked H to leave. I was calm and collected when I did so. I could leave myself, but that would mean sleeping on a friend's couch, and according to divorce lore lessen my chances of getting the house in the settlement. So in the interest of "meeting my needs" financially speaking, I feel I must say. What do you expect me to do here? Other than ignoring H entirely, which is where I am right now.
Originally Posted By: oldtimer
MizJ,
A person doesn't live a life like you describe, and keep a home, family, job, while juggling multiple relationships with OWs WITHOUT having a codependent partner.
His life doesn't work without your contributions to it -- you've kept him afloat in a million different ways, I would guess.
Again, meetings are free. Try 6. You'll get support. What could it hurt?
OT, I do not feel that the "type" of meetings you suggest are appropriate for me. I have some (limited) experience with these due to my brother. The people at these meetings have tangible addictions in their loved ones. What am I supposed to say. "Hi my name is MizJ and my husband used to golf. Oh, and he's generally speaking not that great of a husband." No. Thank you, but no.
Originally Posted By: kml
H sounds like he has OCD, btw.
Possibly so. Not the hand washing sort, but something in that vein perhaps.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
