I think we agree, really. I think it is FINE to set a very firm, clear, non-negotiable boundary about OW. But, this doesn't really seem to have happened. *Maybe* H will do it, maybe not. She's keeping his gambling secrets, and so on. She has at least that card to play and maybe others. My suggestion is just that she get a bit of stability and perspective before deciding how or whether she wants to force the issue. I'm not talking about a lot of time either. My concern here is for MizJ's sake -- she needs to take the space and time to figure out how to handle things in the way that best meets her needs. I'm not at all concerned about H getting extra free time on the clock.
I agree that it is a healthy thing for MizJ to recognize this as a non-negotiable line that has been crossed. But what is the consequence? H has to cook his own dinner? I think more is called for, a firmer boundary. But H still seems to be calling too many of the shots unilaterally. I think MizJ would be well-served by boundaries. Better to take a few days, get some support, and do what is best for her than to act rashly to fight H's reactive crap.
I also concur: it is better for MizJ personally and for her M that she step out of the line rather than wait in second place.
