Stop trying to fix H. If you want to force the issue, you have plenty of cards to play. But no immediate rush. Whatever decision you make can wait a week or two.
Right now, focus on yourself.
Who knows what H's problem is. It certainly sounds like some kind of process addiction or minimally addictive behavior to me.
What matters more here is that you show many signs of deep co-dependence. Try 5 meetings of al-anon. They're free. Why not?
