15 Years married, both 42, son 10, daughter 4. We were madly in love when we were married. I still am. He was until about 1.5 year ago when he started signs of changes. More aggressive, meaner, and just got worse. I must admit I am not the easiest woman to deal with, but we grew a lot, and have been thought a lot. together. He works a lot, but loves to work. I had been trying to understand what was wrong with him for the past year, finally on November, after I really pushed him he said he did not love me romantically, and he wanted out. I have been in hell since then. Holidays were a nightmare. I was put on some medication. Once my doctor (and I) found the right medication, they stopped me from reaction. When I pulled my self together (little) I stopped crying in from him, and talked rationally and calmly. He blames me for everything, even mentions incidents from 15 years ago. He does not see how much we both had evolved in a positive way, and cannot remember that we were really happy, and could not stay away from each other (more him). Well, I accepted that the man who loved me is no longer in the house, and basically lost my life partner, and I cannot make this man change himself back to who he once was. When we talk, he always finishes by reminding that he will leave (when finances are in order, I would assume 6 months or so). So I never ask him if he will leave or he loves me, since I know his answer. I am quiet. We communicate on a as needed base. We eat as family. I spend my weekends at work. When I am in the same house I always risk to loose my nerves, and we both don't want that. Son knows, we had to tell him. He is very upset. During last relationship talk, I told him that many people (man and women) go through a phase around 40-50. They question their lives, relationships. I also added that just because he fells that way now, that will last. I said that, he was a great husband who always was there for me for 15 years (he was), and he deserved me waiting for him. I asked him not to rush into anything. He listened carefully, I know he will at least think and question himself. By the way, following my advice he started seeing a therapist, and he keeps going. I never asked how it was going, but he seems contents. We saw marriage counselor when hell broke loose. It was a disaster. We should have waited until I got myself together. It is extremely hard to live in the same house with him, but I am worried that once he leaves turning back would be even harder. What do you think?
_________________________ Me: 42 Him: 42 M: 15 years T: 16 S10, D4 H changing since Sept 2011, MLC very likely World exploded 9 Dec 2012
