Like there is really no going back. The past is over, and our M is too.
Yes. You shouldn't strive to go back to your old M. Your H doesn't want that and you shouldn't either. The past is over. Your M is over. That doesn't mean you can't have a new M with your H though.
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I know my hope is really about nill. And, I also know I wouldn't accept H back w/out A LOT of changes.
I know what you mean, I've pretty much lost hope as well. 9 months in and W's fortress walls are as tall, intimidating and strong as ever. I know reconcilations have happened after longer periods of time, but the reality is the odds are so low. As many say around here, there's hope for as long as we care to hold it in our hearts. But for me, holding onto hope when the chances of reconciliation are so tiny makes it seem like I'm just unnecessarily extending the pain and discomfort of my sitch. I've never been a gambler, so the idea of putting my life on hold for, say a 5% chance of reconciliation just seems like a waste of what little time I have left on earth. I'd rather get busy living my new life.
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SO, not sure where that leaves me. Moving forward, slowly, I guess. Grieving and allowing myself to feel all the emotions that come to me.
And that's a healthy place to be. Because you DO need to grieve, and getting through that process will lead to your "new normal" and your desire to GAL truly for yourself.
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I just have never been here. What do you do to move on from a 20-year relationship? When you share 3 growing boys to co-parent. When there is an OW in the picture. When H is not the person I've known all these years. I just don't know.
As you know our sitches are so similar! I think first I had to accept that the W I fell in love with and spent 25 years with was gone. Then I had to decide if the person she had become was someone I even wanted to be married to. What I asked myself is this- if I was single and met this woman, what would I think about her? Would I want to pursue her? Strangely the answer is no, I wouldn't even be interested. But, she's not a stranger, she's mom to my kids and so that raises her above the rest of the field by default. So then I had to ask myself, am I willing to be in a R with this woman, someone I wouldn't normally pursue, just because she's mom to my kids? Now THAT is a tough question. Basically am I willing to be married to someone I love but am not in love with just to keep from breaking up the family? Should I sacrifice the possibility of finding true love for that? To be honest it's a question I haven't felt inclined to spend a lot of time on because I don't expect W to change her mind anyway.
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Looking forward to this new meetup tennis group Sat night. Not looking forward to boys all sleeping over at H's aptmt and waking up to an empty house (except little Lulu!).
That was the hardest part for me too. My little long-haired mini dachsund was my companion through many of those lonely nights, she really helped me through some tough times! She is just the sweetest little thing and always likes to be right by my side. She made me feel like I wasn't alone.
