.I think the right reaction isn't rage, but PityEmpathy. My W like your H is in a lot of emotional pain. After pityBecause of empathy, grace and forgiveness can happen. Personally, I have some emotions to work through before I am there.
There.. fixed that for ya.
Great point....
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Oh yeah she said they do the "bro showers" at her house too and she says it's definitely not to smoke pot. I asked if she didn't think it was a little weird that homophobic adolescent male athletes are taking showers for extended periods in our upstairs bathrooms? Naaahhhh, she's pretty sure it's fine.
So I asked s25 and d15 if they'd ever heard the terms "Bro showers". They both asked me why I was asking...
then D15 said, "it's gay." She has no doubt.
S25 said "it's definitely sexual for some or all of them..."
Then I explained that these were athletes, even "homophobic ones".
S25 asked " You mean they are taking a shower together in someone's bathroom? NOT the school's gym facility? Mom, the only reason two or more guys are in a locked bathroom together, is for sex or maybe drugs."
Then he said "'bro showers' is a term for today's gay bath houses..." and "who cares if they pretend to be homophobic? What's new about that?"
Your son may have a lot he wants to share or discuss with you. I was that age when I realized my 30 y/o softball coach (female) was dating the 3rd baseman who was my age (in high school).
Maybe tomorrow IS a good day to get it all out, maybe not. Then again it might explain a lot of what he's trying to deal with.
But cross that bridge if & when you get to it...one thing at a time. You are not alone.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I'll just add that I use to turn the shower on super hit, turn of the exhaust fan and some pot at my parents house. That could be what is going on.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I'll just add that I use to turn the shower on super hit, turn of the exhaust fan and some pot at my parents house. That could be what is going on.
I was curious, because I don't want Ad going off half cocked without all of the possible information, so I asked the teenager in my house as well as a friend in his early 20's. Simply because being in a different area of the country can change the slang...
The twenty something...stated something similar to what Tallula posted. And I remember being a teenager, doing the same thing.
The teenage child, told me to check a slang website, as she had never heard the term...
The definitions had nothing to do with sex...
Ad,
Worry about what you KNOW and don't speculate about anything else. If there is more to know, you will find out. And to be honest, as a mother, I think that if faced with the possibility of my S being homosexual, I would give him the same advice as I did regarding girls...If you are going to do it...don't be casual. Be safe. Use protection.
Cat
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Ad, I just repeated their terms but I'd really like to connect elsewhere. Can you find KD?
Also, I did turn on the shower and smoke pot in my house too. Just not with a lot of friends who came out wet and had showered. I don't have all the facts you or that mother have. But that mother's comments threw me for a loop.
My point is that HER story that they are all literally taking showers together in an upstairs home bathroom, makes no sense.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
My point is that HER story that they are all literally taking showers together in an upstairs home bathroom, makes no sense.
And when is the last time a group of teenagers made sense ???
: )
I talked with a couple guys at work today, and asked them about what it means...
What I was told, is that a "bro shower" is code for a pre-designated meeting place, to burn one. And what made the most sense, was that it was in a bathroom , so that the steam mixes with the smoke, making it heavier, so that the exhaust fan carries it away faster.
And that the origins ( so I was told) came from the movie Smokin Aces...
And I know that doesn't make it any easier to deal with AD...
What is the difference between Pity and Empathy? Does Grace and forgiveness require Empathy?
Interesting points that I haven't ever thought about before.
Empathy - The intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
Pity - sympathetic or kindly sorrow evoked by the suffering, distress, or misfortune of another, often leading one to give relief or aid or to show mercy.
