Diving in with my eyes closed

[25yearsmlc]

I posted on your newer thread, fyi.

And btw, when you said your h has made some efforts to be a better h and you can see those signs,

can you list some? What I got from your more recent new thread, was a lot about what you need and prioritizing but what he has NOT done of that...

so, can you focus on what he HAS done that makes you feel he is trying?

I'm not doubting his efforts so much as asking you to look at what your focus mostly is...what's missing.

Is that b/c too much still is not there from him

and or

b/c you don't notice the strides with the same attention to detail as you notice the deficits. Something to ponder.

I think giving him something to live UP TO helps more than expecting and showing him you expect, the worst.

Also a personal question...why have you not ever married him?

If he's so confident things can work out w/you two, would his proposing marriage, be enough of, or at all a symbol of meaning to YOU?

To HIM?

Not to judge at all, but I'm far more concerned about "commitment" when I have a child with a man, than a ring on my finger. If you trusted him to help you raise 2 kids, is there a reason not to marry him (leaving aside for now, the past issues.)

What I'm really asking is

if you did not want to marry him before, was it b/c you had misgivings

OR b/c HE DID, and if so, what were they?

are those being addressed?

Good luck 2c and please keep us posted. OH And I'm going to cut and paste this onto your other thread b/c I think that's where you'll get more consistent feedback.