I went to a workshop I've mentioned somewhere here ("Essential Experience". You really really ought to check out their website. PowerOf Now went to it, as did Autumn Leaves and Navy Guy & they all got a lot out of it. Read PON's latest posts...)
Anyhow, years ago I went. There, I met a woman named Carol.
Carol changed my life b/c she is the most "centered", "at peace within" woman I've ever known. She has tremendous capacity for compassion and deeply felt emotions. But she has had pain in her life. Yet she's happy. Here is her story as I know it.
Think about it, please...
The day Carol turned 16, her parents gave her a huge catered "Sweet 16" birthday party, with a band and all. Tons of people. Carol's older brother was close to her, and he was to drive down from college for the big party.
On the way to it, he got into a car accident and was killed. The parents were notified during the big party & Carol thought the police were there to quiet the party down. Carol was mortified by the cops at the house.
The parents were bereft but did not know what to do. Rather than announcing the death of their only son to the party, or ending their daughter's big night, they carried on for 2 more hours until the guests had left, only to finally tell Carol why her brother had not arrived....
Years passed, and Carol married a really lovable guy. They had a cute little son, who got Juvenile diabetes at age 5. They said "it's a disease that is manageable...we just have to learn how to manage it, and then teach him."
Then they had a baby girl. At age 3 months she got a cold that went to her lungs and she could not seem to shake it. Damage was done to her lungs and eventually she was put on life support. They were told that she was not going to live.
The doctors said their daughter could not live very long once disconnected to the machine but she would breathe for awhile.
They withdrew life support and Carol held her baby girl in her arms. She suddenly felt the urge to nurse her baby as it "seemed like the natural thing to do".
So she took off her shirt & bra, not caring who saw what. The baby nursed a little vigorously for awhile, then more slowly and then, quietly, & gently, she passed away into the night, in her mother's arms.
I was pregnant when I saw Carol a few months after her d's death. I eventually shared with her that her loss terrified me. I said I felt that it would not be a survivable event for me, except for the fact that we also had a son.
I said, "I'd feel as if life had been a beautiful painting. Then someone threw a big glass of red wine on it and it's ruined forever."
Carol said "No my life isn't ruined. Yes I've had pain in it. But life is more like a tapestry.
If you get close up to it you can see the flaws and the textures and there IS pain...but if you stand back and look at the whole thing, all of it, the textures and flaws actually add dimension & fullness to it.
Pain is just a part of my life, but my life is still very beautiful. I learned to get through the pain and I am so in touch with how much love & laughter and art & music there is in my life. I feel really blessed & lucky."
Carol meant every word. I feel enriched knowing her and people like her.
Tad, Carol is still the happiest woman I know.
She and her h have had HORRIBLE challenges, & big blows to the heart, NOT of their making.
But they carry on HAPPILY. Not goofy happy, but deeply inwardly at peace.
Years later they adopted an Asian girl who is very athletic and seems well adjusted. They had another baby, a boy who is very artistic. Their diabetic son is "managing his disease" in college now.
They live on a farm in Vermont, and eat organic foods and try to "build community", etc.
When I went to the workshop, Carol was on "team" and Carol's parents were attending...they were a little older than I am now. They had lost their son on that birthday and they felt a little guilty for "ruining Carol's 16th birthday" b/c it's also their son's death day.
They care about others so much. I'm not sure but my guess is they don't wallow in their own world of pain. I see their annual FB posts to their late son. Always bittersweet and beautiful. Man, I don't know about you, but I need people like that^^ in my life. I want to be like them, but without the horrors...you'd think it would be easier for US, you know. And it should be... When we are tested, we can come out like forged steel, or we can break.
A broken heart is one of the few tests life gives us, that really does leave it all up to US.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
