Say What? That's what I wanted to say when H said he wanted to try. Last week I said, ...whether it works out between us or not, we'll continue to get along. He responds, oh no, it's going to work out. What??
Where did all this confidence come from? A couple months ago he was still unsure and now he is certain things will work out. Funny how things change.
I'm not completely on board with him. I would like to be, guess that's good, but I'm still very detached (lovingly) where I don't see how this is going to work.
He's made leaps into being a better, way better H but I am so impatient about rebuilding trust. I made a MC appt for next thurs. I think I should journal what I want to bring up.
TOP PRIORITY -We have different interpretations on how and when to rebuild trust. -I want to start TODAY. I want to be able to see some transparency in him. Anything he can provide, frequent phone calls (I asked him for this but still waiting) holding hands (still waiting...) and other stuff that he is just not ready for (letter to OW, checking his phone).
IC told me to observe how he responds to conflict between us in front of MC. H hates it. If he continues to struggle with this, that's a bad sign. But if he gets better about it then that means he's maturing and we can have a much better relationship than before.
Aside from that, S4 is in the hospital and should be discharged tomorrow. He had invasive surgery yesterday and is recuperating really well.
H has handled it really well. He spent the night last night and is there again tonite. He has been communicating with the drs about his condition. He is really taken up this role.
In the past, I was the primary caretaker for S4 but since D1 is not allowed in the admitting room, H stepped up to the plate! And he's doing really well.
Every now and then he'll do something that bothers me but I don't respond like before. I think about whether it's really important to do it my way. Most of the time it doesn't really matter. When it does I make sure to communicate myself in a loving way. Not at all like before.
Anyways, I'm tired. Gotta wake up early to take D1 to MILs so I can be with S4 while H is at work. Lots of abbrev!! lol!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
