The story of Carol was so moving. That's an amazing example. I'm not nearly there yet but I do really see and believe in the point of that story. Thanks for sharing it.
I hope things went well with the counselor!
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
25 I have been following along with your thread and just wanted to say that the more I read your posts the more I am convinced you are one of thw wisest and most understanding person I have known...
You are a wondwrful wife and mother, and your husband is lucky to have such a strong woman by his side.
I think I can speak for everyone here when I say you are truely an inspiration. You strive to better your family and your communication skills and it shows how much you believe there is ALWAYS more to learn in those areas.
On behalf of all of us, I want to thank you for your dedication to your family at home, as well as your DB family. Truelly an asset to mankind!
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
After spending 2 days at the hospital and seeing so much, Carol's story really hits home. You learn to appreciate everything, everything!
I met a mom who had a somewhat similar story to mine as far as frequent visits to the hospital for the past 4yrs. SIL overheard this woman talk about her son's health. SIL said later, after hearing her talk, you realize other people have it worse.
I thought it was interesting that she interpreted this mother's story like that. I identified so much with the mom. We don't want pity. Our story is not one to pity. Everyone has something in their life that makes them struggle. It's life!
I hope the sessions go well and continue to let go. You're great!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
so the visit was a no go b/c the counselor had to re-schedule. He's VERY reliable so it's a little weird. I started to read into what the universe was telling me, but then I snapped myself back to earth.
Actually the c's wife had cancer and I think it might be back. Then again, maybe it's nothing. I really hope (for good and selfish reasons), that she's fine and well. They are a model couple.
Oh, my youngest sister lost a lot of weight and said maybe it was her drinks on weekends that was slowing her weight loss down. So she gave up alcohol for Lent and I thought, "gee, that's setting a good example for the kids, etc." So I FOOLISHLY joined w/her. Too bad we're in a wine club!
Anyhow, after gearing up for the big C session that we DID NOT have, I sure wanted a glass of wine and to take a hot bath...and I didn't even go! Nope, I stuck with the no alcohol b/c yes, the kids know. But suddenly it seemed needlessly rigid.
Weirdly, I don't even drink much and neither does H. But having denied it to myself completely does weird things...like now I really want it. I have to figure out what, if anything, that might mean to a young person.
SIDENOTE, my youngest sister is a teacher. I told the kids "your Aunt N gave up alcohol for Lent, AND btw, she's lost a lot of weight" (she used weight watchers).
BUT This is what my kids heard:
"Aunt N stopped drinking for lunch and she's lost a lot of weight..."
like THAT is HOW she lost the weight!
and the weirdest thing is, they didn't seem amazed or shocked by this. And she does not drink much.
Man, their expectations are either really low or they are the most blase kids in that "phase" of "nothing surprises US!" On one hand, It's hilarious. But it does say something about our way of communication.... (or maybe their teachers drink at lunch?)
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25 I have been following along with your thread and just wanted to say that the more I read your posts the more I am convinced you are one of thw wisest and most understanding person I have known...
You are a wondwrful wife and mother, and your husband is lucky to have such a strong woman by his side.
I think I can speak for everyone here when I say you are truely an inspiration. You strive to better your family and your communication skills and it shows how much you believe there is ALWAYS more to learn in those areas.
On behalf of all of us, I want to thank you for your dedication to your family at home, as well as your DB family. Truelly an asset to mankind!
I agree!!! 25yeasmlc you are great!!!
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
So h is on his way and will get here in 3 hours. Told S25 that he wants to have a family meeting...which sounds vague b/c S didn't give specifics.
Honestly, I dread any "family meeting" or "couples talk" without EITHER 1) a specific approach or exercise in mind 2) specific goals for issues to be discussed and 3) a time limit.
(FWIW, I think these ^^ terms should apply to business/corporate meetings too. if something's not on the agenda IT gets tabled...37% of work time is on meetings. That's nuts.)
Anyhow, of course any of these^^ terms can be changed/modified or extended, if all agree.
& everyone ought to know about them in advance.
This way^^^, everyone can plan what THEY want to share. Oh man, These are the exact boundaries and structure I had hoped to get with the C!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
What a bummer that the C had to cancel. Its hard not to have expectations that the meeting could change things and then for it not to happen is a let down.
Loved the Carol story. Sometimes during Alanon meetings and on these boards I taste serenity for a brief moment. Sometimes I taste it when I am tucking my girls in at night and reading them bedtime stories.
Carol knows what she is talking about, if she lived in the gloom & doom when her brother died she would never have gotten to a place of finding a happy marriage.
Without rain there can be no flowers.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
interesting,it is B/C of Carol I went to Al Anon and then some ACOA meetings later on. She is a great person and she's also hilarious.
Anyhow, we'll keep you posted.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Today "L", a former LBSer & Baptist minister, passed away from a LONG battle w/ leukemia. L died peacefully in his wife's arms.
Several years ago, (8 or 9...?) his w was a WAW & he was an LBSer. When I met him, he projected gentleness, kind compassion & genuine interest towards everyone he met. He had children, also.
I told him once that when I was growing up we lived near a Baptist church and the minister there frightened me as a child.
L replied, "I was more of a 'Fire & Brimstone preacher before my wife & i sep. So if I'm a better preacher now, it's b/c of her." .. I never heard a single unkind word about her from him. Just sayin'.
Then they reconciled. I wish I knew exactly how. I only know she came home and they truly restored their marriage. They were both compassionate & loving, towards each other when I knew them, which was during & after their marriage crisis. So when he passed away today in her arms, I felt grateful.
Seems to me, two of our most important moments in life, are the moments we bring someone into the world, and the moment when one of us lays the other, into the arms of a loving God. Of all the "moments" in life, you don't want to be alone at those.
So I'm truly happy he was with the love of his life at that moment. He was also very ready. Since we all eventually pass away, maybe we should call this a happy ending, in the grand scheme of things...still I'll miss the guy.
Godspeed L. RIP.
((( xoxoxo )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
