I don't advocate outrage. In fact I agree with you, and wish I had more control over my emotions. I couldn't handle what you are handling with such calm. When I get angry, it is usually counterproductive and I regret it. I notice that this situation is forcing me to get better control over this particular emotion.
I think the right reaction isn't rage, but Pity. My W like your H is in a lot of emotional pain. After pity, grace and forgiveness. Personally, I have some emotions to work through before I am there.
