I knew better...but I did it anyway...

[keep_going]

((((SB)))))

First, CONGRATULATIONS!!!
You have an amazing, beautiful, healthy baby boy! And you did it! All the fears and concerns about labor and how it would go are gone. You are a very strong woman and you should be proud of yourself.

I am just going to add that I get everything you are expressing. I do. I get all the bittersweet nature of what you just experienced. I get that you are wondering why and how. I understand how HARD it is. There is simply no other word for what you are going through with your H and your situation.

Don't apologize for feeling like a victim. What you just experienced is one of the most difficult things you will ever go through in your life - hands down.

So be good to yourself, enjoy your family, your baby, your girls. When all the triggers and the pain comes back and when your H acts indifferently or rude, try to focus on what is important here and now, just like you did when you brought your little prince to this world. YOU DID IT that day and you can do it everyday. Never doubt yourself.

And when you feel you cannot go on, come here, vent, journal and share. Reach out here and with your loved ones in your life. Their help will be instrumental in the coming months. Know that there are many people who care about you. Many.

I am very happy for you, your baby and your girls! All of this will someday (sooner than you think) will be behind you.

((((((((((SB))))))))))))