Plan B

[Breakdown]

W's issues concerning me:

- A lot of resentment for first 10 years of M and resistant to forgive
- Afraid of being disappointed again, so resistant to becoming vunerable
- Believes once she makes a decision she has to stick with it

Wow, it sounds like your W and mine have the same "Big Book Of Reasons For Divorce". That's practically word for word what my W has told me as well. She repeated that last line often in MC, it was something of a mantra for her. That and "I don't want to try".

Yeah, these are pretty much the same as I wrote in November. The only change is that I removed "people don't change." She actually changed her tune on that one.

I was kinda hoping your sitch would have gone better after retrouv since there are a lot of similarities...bums me out.

Did she tell you that she has to stick with it or is that something you believe to be true?

She's said it a number of times, though recently she just said "I don't feel any different." I think she might bend on this last point honestly, as she already changed her tune on "people don't change." But she's dug in pretty good on "I'm not going to get over it."

Honestly - I'm confused what A has to do with B. You should be able to do both. In fact, I would argue that you need both.

If you just do B - you are going to come across as a D!ck. It's not your place to show your w consequences.. life will do that.

If you need to do plan b to help you move forward - I can understand that, but you can still be loving in the process.

For the last 6-8 months, we have really behaved like newlyweds (in my mind...she assures me it isn't the same in hers). There are no fights, we hang out all the time, co-parent, ML a lot, laugh, go to events, etc etc. It's been everything I would want in a M, except the fact that she is still intent on getting D, and still is in contact with OM.

In the last two weeks I've pulled back. I'm not being a d!ck...a lot of it is still the same as it was. There's just a distance now. We are still functioning really well as parents, sharing chores, picking up kids, etc. She's still sharing stories and we're laughing...it's just less.

Okay so you asked #1 - how does that affect your actions moving forward?

It really doesn't...I didn't care how much potential income was tied to OM. It was a big deal for her though, and for her to admit there's really no business reason to talk to OM is new.

And why is #2 weird? Seems like typical WAS spew to me.

Yeah, probably nothing more than that. I guess with D on the horizon, I'm surprised she's still thinking "let's do stuff."