Old thread locked down and I had a couple of interesting things I wanted to document so we'll get a new one going.
W's issues concerning me:
- A lot of resentment for first 10 years of M and resistant to forgive - Afraid of being disappointed again, so resistant to becoming vunerable - Believes once she makes a decision she has to stick with it
Did she tell you that she has to stick with it or is that something you believe to be true?
Originally Posted By: Breakdown
My current plan:
After our last discussion about D (a week ago), I felt like I needed to change gears. Great advice from Mach1 and when I read back thru my thread, I see that in November Denver was actually telling me the "plan A, plan B" thing:
Quote:
Plan A - Get along with cheating spouse, show them legit changes, don't rock the boat, be kind and loving, be the person that the cheating spouse fell in love with... essentially be the rock... the lighthouse home.
Plan B - Take all of that away from the cheating spouse. No contact except for "bills and boys" as J3B coined it.
Honestly, it won't be as drastic as described above as we are still living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed, but I'm basically starting plan B. I have accepted that D is coming and decided that I will take a proactive approach. I will meet with my attorney in the next week or two and nail out the details of the D and start moving in that direction. I am not going to enter back into a relationship with W unless she wants it, and is willing to stop all contact with OM.
Honestly - I'm confused what A has to do with B. You should be able to do both. In fact, I would argue that you need both.
If you just do B - you are going to come across as a D!ck. It's not your place to show your w consequences.. life will do that.
If you need to do plan b to help you move forward - I can understand that, but you can still be loving in the process.
Originally Posted By: Breakdown
And with that....journaling these two tidbits:
1) Last night during work conversation, I asked if OM was involved. She said no, so I asked if she could cut contact completely at this point without impacting her business, and she said "yeah." So her excuses for OM contact are gone, yet they are still in contact daily. I think this is important...it's fully in her control now, there's no financial implications.
2) This morning W tells me, "if I get this deal, I'm going to take you to Vegas!" Prior to our last court date, this wouldn't have surprised me because of how well things seemed. But now, I have pulled back considerably...no touching, no hanging out, etc, so it's a little bit weird to hear that.
Okay so you asked #1 - how does that affect your actions moving forward?
And why is #2 weird? Seems like typical WAS spew to me.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
