Reb, many of us women feel our H's prioritise their jobs over their families. Our H's dont see it that way, they think they are sacrificing everything else in their lives for their families by being successful and good providers. It may be a bit misguided but well intentioned.

My H had a difficult stressful job which involved shiftwork for 27 years, however he did love his job. At 54 the stress was taking its toll and he was turning into a monster, hence BD. I noticed the vacant unemotional look in his eyes and his complete loss of joy for living. I too spent a lot of time criticising him and the choices he made. He left his job suddenly 4 months ago. Due to the stress in home and worklife, he made an error of judgement. He basically couldn't live with the consequences of that mistake, so resigned his job. We haven't been happier, although the financial stress is certainly challening. We are trying to put things in place, and we are working well together at it.

I'm not suggsting your H leave his job, however the thing is, my H had to work that through himself. He HAD TO HIT ROCK BOTTOM! His relationship with his children suffered also, but it is his responsibility. I no longer get involved in it. I no longer take the sides of my children, or my H. They need to work through this themselves. If they want a R with their father bad enough, they can find the tools to improve it, and likewise him. Admittedly mine were older 24, 19 and 18 at the time. Its also become apparent to me that I let them stand between my H and I too many times and basically pitted one off against the other. I think our kids can be manipulative and so was I. I was always trying to play the guilt card. Our kids can't fully understand the damage they do, so its up to us to back off. We can't always protect them. Life has its ups and downs and the sooner they learn to fend for themselves and work through their issues the better they will be as a result. I do firmly believe we are too much involved in our children's issues. Confirmed by DB coach also. I was instructed to DB my kids also.

You can be there to validate and talk things through, but please don't insist things have to be done a certain way in their R. Its just another form of control. One of my 180's - to let them work through their R problems themselves, as I also need to.

Take care, you are doing great. Lots of positives and lots of learning taking place.