I have had some great advice given to me so far so thanks v much to the people who have posted.
Short summary of sitch:
Seperated from W of 13 yrs (special needs), S12 with W, S19 lives away at College. BD in August (ILYBNILWY, stepson from W previous M.
W dad died when she was 7 and lots of issued on how her mum treated her as a kid following his death. She gave up career to be stay at home mum when youngest was born and because of his needs has not been able to return to work. She was very career focussed and its something she misses.
Whilst there were clearly issues with our M and me, we regularly talked about our feelings for each other and had an active sex life. All of this is documented in my other threads but practically everything about our M has been re-written.
With hindsight I could see signs of possible onset of MLC for perhaps 2 yrs leading to BD. Lots of talk about childhood, how mum never showed her love/affection, lots of resentment and anger towards her mum which then etended to other family members. In the 12 months leading up to BD she was confused and finally BD in August 12 and physical S in November.
She has also recently started early menopause and getting treatment for it. She lost a lot of weight in the last 2 yrs but has started to put it back on and her mood bounces between highs and lows.
I have been dim except on pick ups and drops off of S where I have stayed upbeat and positive. We did have pursuit/distance type behaviour when she first moved out, W then withdrew and since then our friendship has been getting better but steady if that makes sense. Again, this is all documented.
I have been doing a lot of reflecting and working on my faults as a H and 180ing everything in my control. Again, this angered her in the early post BD phase.
GAL going ok, gym, learning to horse ride and spending quality time with S. R with S has never been better through all of this.
Generally in a better place and would say 70% of the time ok, the other 30% my mind wanders into places it shouldnt! I usually post a lot when this happens
Things seem to be on a more stable footing now and communication with W has improved a lot over the last few weeks.
A long post for what should have been a short summary (sorry!) but it is all documented in my earlier threads.
